ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Let The Serious Folks Go Seriously Broke.

In: Online Marketing

 

I can't do serious.

I'm not sure if you could tell from the name of this blog, or from anything I've ever written, said, tweeted and/or mimed while naked, but it's true. (There was actually no naked miming. I do a lot of stuff naked, but really, who the hell mimes these days?)

I'm pretty sure this stems from a long-standing vendetta against elementary school library class. Hey, I have a good idea. Let's put a bunch of 8 year-olds into a smelly, quiet room where nobody smiles because libraries are very serious ordeals™, and we'll see how much they like books afterward!

Good thing for recess, or I probably would have turned into a socially awkward fucktard. I might have even started a blog called The Middle Finger Project. Can you imagine?

 

But really, I think we ought to sit down with these serious folks and have a little chat.

Do you actually have a wedgie, or does it just appear that way?
On a scale of 1 to 4,892, how suicidal do you become when people write “LOL?”
Since fun is out of the question, how do you celebrate birthdays?
Would you just rather die now and get it over with?
What do you hate more: Optimism or Hope?
What do you do if you accidentally get giggly?

No, really. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY GET GIGGLY?

The gig'll be up!

You'll forever be labeled as someone who might actually enjoy life.

Fucking fatal.

 

I can't take serious people seriously, because I assume something's wrong with them.

What the hell happened to you?

Unless you watched a member of the Taliban decapitate your mother, that stern look of yours need to simmer down.

Speaking of the Taliban (like usual), my friend Josh just tweeted me this sweet little gem:

 

Unless your career goals include “suicide bomber,” it's time to lighten up.

That asshole actually held the door for you? The nerve!

No!

SMILE at them! See what happens!

 

However, it isn't just people who need to lighten up; it's companies, too.

Too often, you see companies tripping over themselves to “be taken more seriously.”

That's a stupid goal.

It's a stupid goal because getting taken more seriously doesn't translate into getting more customers or getting more respect or getting more anything.

It translates into unnecessary expenses, bullshit red tape, lots of feather fluffing and a big ol' facade that does nothing but creates the one thing you didn't want it to: A divide between you and your customers.

People don't want serious. Professional, yes, but serious? Not so much.

They want down to earth.

Relatable.

Approachable.

Human.

 

And believe it or not, sometimes the best way to do that is through a sense of humor.

Not only will you surprise and delight your customer–you'll help them remember you, too.

And that's never a bad marketing strategy.

Take this package wrapper from inside an Altoid's tin I bought in Argentina last weekend:

 

 

Surely, there are many people who will never buy Altoids again because of this.

But on the other hand, there are many people who will ONLY buy Altoids again because of this.

And that's what it's all about, isn't it?

MURDERING INDIFFERENCE.

Have some fun. Lighten up. Don't just do something. Be something.

And let the serious folks go be seriously broke.

While you go seriously big time.

Accidental giggles and all.

 

Oct 19

2018

Make 50% of the Population Hate You

Oct 19, 2018

“Make 50% of the population hate you.” My editor reminded me of this the other day when we were talking about the main argument of my book. (And then I immediately wanted to tongue her.) Because that’s what arguments do, after all: they stand in opposition to something. They take a stand, plant their flag, […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 30

2012

Don’t Stand Out – Stand the Fuck Up.

Jan 30, 2012

So. If you recall, in the last post, I made up a ridiculous scenario where you were headed to your fake neighbor’s house for dinner, whose guts you may or may not have secretly hated. She was serving you quiche, at which point you made a face that slightly resembled this—> ?!?!?!?!!!!!. As a result, […]

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Jan 10

2012

The Day The Cash Register Became Obsolete (WTF?)

Jan 10, 2012

Note:  This post contains adult language. It’s so adult, you might swear you’ve just been transported to a seedy, smoke-laced Las Vegas strip club filled with large Italian men. The good news is that you haven’t. The bad news is that somebody let me have my own blog. And…so we begin. What I want to […]

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Apr 24

2013

Tired of Being Told To “Differentiate Yourself?”

Apr 24, 2013

Everyone tells you to be unique. Find your USP. Differentiate yourself. (Meanwhile, you’re all, “Stab, stab stab, I’m the same, I’m the same, I’m the same – how am I suppose to “differentiate” life coaching?) And so you take a drink, because these are the types of things that drive people to drink, and you […]

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Apr 20

2011

The Secret to Client Attraction – Grey Goose Vodka, Baby.

Apr 20, 2011

When I say the words, “Grey Goose,” what automatically comes to mind? a) Purple fairies b) Your high school prom date c) Roseanne Barr d) Vodka As much as I’d love it if the answer were C, you probably picked D, vodka. Congratulations, you are correct. Whether prompted or not, most everyone who sees the […]

In: Online Marketing

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Nov 19

2015

What if My Customers Aren’t All the Same? How Do I Appeal to Multiple Targets? It’s called Positioning (And for Once I’m Not Talking About the Kama Sutra)

Nov 19, 2015

SELLING YOUR STUFF TO OTHER HUMANS IS HARD. (Caps required.) It’s hard for a number of reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is because nobody really knows what to say. We’re all filled with a million different ugly little self-doubts floating around our nervous little brains. What should the headline say? Do I emphasize […]

In: Online Marketing

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Oct 16

2017

She Wrote the Book On It

Oct 16, 2017

At my retreat in the Cotswolds, this past summer, I gave everyone salmon-colored Kate Spade notebooks that read on the cover: She wrote the book on it. It’s a theme I teach and live and breathe and bleed. Everyone’s always asking, “How do you market yourself? How do you get people to notice you?” (For […]

In: Online Marketing

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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