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What To Do When Nobody Cares About You. (Tip: Do Not Punch The Mailman.)

In: Online Marketing

Last week, I predicted that while I was in Buenos Aires, I'd either fall hopelessly in love with an Argentine, or get totally pissed off because I didn't.

So far, the latter has been true.

But don't worry, I'm not slinging sauerkraut yet.

There might have also been a suspiciously large sausage sandwich involved. [Insert token off-color joke here.]

As well as the purchase of possibly the world's sexiest vintage purse ever. It's got red lipstick stains on the inside fabric, and I have to think that this purse once accompanied a young, fiery Argentine woman who wore it the night she met her soul mate.

And then, of course, I spent hours walking. And walking. And walking. I shimmied up alleyways, paraded down avenues, and promptly sat on every park bench I could find.

I watched people. I saw memories being made as young couples strolled the streets. I saw memories being relived as old couples followed behind them. And, of course, I saw passion.

That's what happens, I suspect, when you throw a bunch of Italians, Spaniards and French into one country together.

You get some fucking passion.

And passion interests me. It interests me because it's what good marketing is all about: Helping your buyer FEEL. Helping them become passionate, excited and straight up giddy about what you're selling.

Would Argentine's naturally be better at marketing, then?

Interestingly enough, as I began to look around, I noticed their passion breathing life into every store front.

They weren't just selling sunglasses. They were selling you the key to becoming who you always hoped to be–just like we talked about last week. 

There was no window space advertising 50% discounts–rather, these window spaces were covered with big, loud, fearless statements. Statements designed to yank at your heart strings. Statements designed to stop you dead in your tracks. Statements designed to make you feel something. Statements designed to SELL.

Look at the sign inside. “Never hide.”


Reads: “Yoga clothing–for being at home, for not working, for hugging, for taking back the siesta, for reading, meditating, dreaming; clothing for resting and taking care of yourself.”


On the right–“LAUGH MORE.”

How can you do this for your customers? What “store front statement” can you make?

Don't think about what your product or service does–think about how it'll help them become the person they want to be, and then figure out what you can say to appeal to that desire.

This really applies no matter what you do.

Maybe you're a plumber.

Not sexy, right?

Well guess what is sexy?

The fact that new homeowners, for example, want to feel as if they're being responsible, and that everything's going to work out okay. That they aren't in over their heads. That they made a good choice. That they can step into adulthood eloquently. That they won't screw it all up.

If I'm a plumbing company and I'm running an ad targeting chicks who've just bought a new home, and I want to sell them some kind of routine plumbing maintenance, I'm not going to start off by saying:

Keep your pipes clean. Call Rick today.

Rather, I'm going to start off by saying:

Hey new homeowner–those big girl pants make your ass look great. Our job? Help you keep 'em on.


You just bought a house.
Don't worry.
The only way you'll lose your shirt is if you accidentally find yourself in Cancun during spring break.
If that happens, we only have one piece of advice: FIND IT IMMEDIATELY.


Thing They Didn't Tell You About Owning a Home and Being a Real-Life Adult #999: It's easier to prevent catastrophes than it is to, err, clean 'em up. 


Hey new homeowner–that responsibility you're wearing lately? RAVISHING.


The house I live in, I bought it.
The car I'm driving, I bought it
‘Cuz I depend on me.

No matter who you are or what you do, you can identify key desires that your customers have, and how those desires help define the person they want to become.

How can you help your customers feel like by choosing your product or your service, they'll become more THE IDEAL THEM?

How can you make 'em feel something? Even if it's just in making them smile?

This reminds me of something I had posted online about a year ago:

Go ahead. Make 'em fucking care. Make 'em fucking feel. Make 'em YOURS. And then go find one of those damn sausage sandwiches, already.

You won't regret it. 

(That's what he said.)

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