On Becoming Unfuckwithable

IN: Confidence, Success


If you’re contemplating themes for the New Year, I highly recommend borrowing this one.


Rolls right off the tongue and deep dives directly into your ovaries. But more importantly? We need this.

We need this because there are always going to be days—weeks, months, years—where everything feels hard. There are always going to be people who do wrong by you, emails you don’t want to answer, decisions you don’t know how to make, money you don’t know where to find, surprises you wish never came, the weight of the world pressing and pressing and pressing, and one more reason why you just couldn’t get to it yet.

Something will always go wrong.
Websites will break.
Launches will suck.
Creativity will stagnate.
Humans will disappoint.
You’ll disappoint yourself.
And you will get TIRED.

But, that’s okay. It’s all okay. And I’m writing this message to tell you that the answer isn’t to do what you’ve always done and bury your head in a hole. The answer isn’t in retreating from the world. The answer isn’t in saying “fuck it.” The answer is becoming unfuckwithable, so no matter what happens—because something will always happen—you will figure it out. You will always land on your feet. And you will always outsmart the bullshit in this world.

A long time ago, I was forced to become unfuckwithable when I was just a young girl. Later on, I became even more unfuckwithable when I started my own business. Later again, when I started this blog. The last couple of years have proven me to be more unfuckwithable than ever. And now?

My ovaries are downright intimidating.

But, things weren’t always this way.

I used to be incredibly naive and gullible. I used to cater to everyone around me, trying to be agreeable and helpful. I used to want to be “one of the girls” and be on the same page as my friends. (Jobs! Marriage! Babies! Houses! Stability!) I used to do whatever other people expected of me—including society.

But then certain things happened beyond my control, and slowly but surely, I discovered the beauty in not giving a damn. At first this felt irresponsible, but there’s an unspoken power in not apologizing all over yourself. The ocean doesn’t apologize for rising and falling (and then rising again), it isn’t ashamed that one day it’s turquoise and another it’s deep blue. It just is. And its matter-of-factness is what makes it a powerhouse. You recognize it, and you act accordingly, because you know the ocean isn’t fucking around. How nice would it be if people thought of you that way?

That’s unfuckwithable.

It’s knowing what you want, going out there, and making it happen—and not apologizing for being unconventional or making mistakes or having to ask one more time, or for doing it in the first place. You just areUnfuckwithable is making your own opportunities instead of waiting for someone to give you one. Unfuckwithable is building your own doors—and then knocking on them. Unfuckwithable is what happens when you believe that your work matters. And unfuckwithable is an attitude.

As you prepare to start a new year, a new chapter, a new plan, a new everything…I wanted to gift you my story of how I used a blog to escape rural poverty, travel the world, make my first million, land a book agent, get harassed by TV producers, work whenever I want, drink the finest champagne, build a career I love, and, slowly but surely, became unfuckwithable.

It’s the MP3 audio version of a talk I recently gave at a university…and I hope that it helps you become even just a little more unfuckwithable this year, no matter who you are. (Considering that the first words out of my mouth are, “I can’t believe they’re letting me anywhere near a microphone,” that should be some indication of how fun this was.)

Click Here to Listen to The Talk

To becoming unfuckwithable,