ASH AMBIRGE

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What To Do When You Hate Your Life: An Interview I Gave: Featuring My Man Voice

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

Hi, it's me.

I'm drinking wine. (Shooocccckkkkeeeer!)

I'm also listening to my sweet, sweet man voice in an interview I recently gave that addresses that big, fucking looming question we're all wandering around asking ourselves: Is this it?

What do you do when that question pops up?

What do you do when it's not what it's cracked up to be?

What do you do when you feel like a big, naked butthead of an orangutan?

(Officially the only place on all of this website where I have ever written the word butthead.)

(I don't even like that fucking word.)

Dare you to listen to it.

It's free.

Your mom?

Love and a slap on the ass,

That girl with the purple teeth who you either hate or love but can't figure out why.

Aug 31

2010

Slugs, Angel Hair Pasta & Vespas, Or, The One Thing That DOES Define You In This Life

So, I’m sitting in the bar at this restaurant. I’m lovingly twirling my fork into a steamy, lemony, buttery, most delightfully angelic heap of angel hair–the creamy, makes-you-throw-your-head-back-with-glee kind of pasta that, I was thinking, should probably be forbidden for nuns, because, I swear, this pasta is far more decadent than the best sex you […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Oct 15

2010

A Conversation With An Immigrant on U.S. Life

I had an insightful conversation with a Mexican immigrant the other day. We also might have had a round of margaritas, which could have enhanced the perceived value of the conversation, but nevertheless, I wanted to share it with you. It went something like this: ME: So, I imagine you came here with some expectations […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Feb 8

2019

I Hate Mantras, And YET—I Love This One for When You’re Kinda Sorta Shitting Your Pants

I have a mantra (despite wanting to slit my throat upon hearing the word “mantra.”) Are you ready? My mantra is this: WHO CARES HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? GO ANYWAY. Which sounds really kinda wrong, right? We’re a culture based on f-e-e-e-e-e-e-l-i-n-g-s. But sometimes, you have to override the ones that I call false […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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May 10

2018

WE ARE WASTING OUR BRAINS ON BULLSHIT (And Other Darling Sentiments)

You know those creeps who never drink any water and you’re all, “BUT YOUR CELLS! YOUR CELLS ARE SHRIVELING LIKE LITTLE CALIFORNIA RAISINS!”  (Unless this is the kind of thing that only goes through my brain, in which case, welcome to my inner landscape, ya’ll.) I feel the same way about time. There are so many people who aren’t drinking […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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Jul 20

2012

Stay Foolish. Stay Wise. Have CONFIDENCE.

Rules–particularly the dogmatic variety–are most useful for those who aren’t confident enough to make their own damn decisions.   For the rest of us, there’s vodka–so we can cope with the decisions we were foolishly wise enough to make.   So help us, Grey Goose.   Amen. -Excerpt from my forthcoming book, The Middle Finger […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Jul 8

2010

When Being in Control is a Disservice

I’ve got little patience for excuses. I proactively call myself out whenever I catch myself making excuses in order to either procrastinate or invent reasons why I shouldn’t put myself out there. Why? Because sometimes, putting yourself out there is nail-bitingly, blood-curdingly, will-drive-you-to-drink, flat-out terrifying at times. It’s far easier to continue doing what we’ve […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Nov 13

2013

You Know You Need a Change When…

The year I tried to juggle 1,407 balls in the air and still be nice to strangers in the super market taught me an important lesson: Busy isn’t a synonym for happy. Full doesn’t mean fulfilled. And people are pushy assholes in line at the deli counter. All of us are busying ourselves to death—sometimes […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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