ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MISSION STATEMENTS. (Really?)

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

The other day I saw a Twitter bio that said something to the effect of:

We craft effective solutions for your design needs.

And I wanted to kill myself. Like, just up and off myself on the spot. This old-school, “mission statement-esque” language has no place in a modern context.

Effective is already the expectation.
Solutions are why everyone’s in business.
And what are my “needs,” anyway?

You’re talking but you’re saying nothing.

We need you to be human.

Don’t tell us your mission statement—stand up and make one.

Jan 30

2014

Why Screaming Won’t Get You Heard.

You know when you’re in a group of people… …and you start telling a story, and that one jerkoff starts talking over you, hollering at the waitress mid-sentence, or answering the phone, or by turning to say something to somebody else, and then all of the sudden you don’t really know if you’re suppose to […]

3,549 READS
In: Creative Writing for the Internet


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Dec 14

2012

Take Your Lazy Sentences And Piss Off. Politely.

Lazy sentences BOTHER ME. They bother me because it’s not really the sentence being lazy–it’s the person who wrote it. And if that person happens to be a business owner who’s trying to convince me to spend my hard-earned, sweat-soaked, time-drenched money with them? They better demonstrate that they actually WANT MY BUSINESS. Want it […]

2,161 READS
In: Creative Writing for the Internet


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May 17

2016

Poets & Killers Get Rich

There are two groups of people: Poets & killers. The poets are running around with their heart placed firmly on their sleeve, hoping that if they do authentic work, it’ll sell itself. The killers, on the other hand, are running around selling everything, none of which is actually authentic, nor genuine, nor useful. (We call […]

864 READS
In: Creative Writing for the Internet


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Jun 28

2016

How to Be Interesting As Hell On Paper

Agency. It was one of the first things my book editor said to me. “These parts need more agency.” And I obviously said: Like the CIA? And she said: Shoot me. And I said: Is that a CIA joke? So while furiously drinking wine and researching this new writing foe—agency—I had been delighted to discover […]

3,257 READS
In: Creative Writing for the Internet


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Feb 15

2013

25 Words That Will Make You Seem Bland, Useless, Stale, Dime-a-Dozen, Washed-Up and Otherwise Uninteresting, Unimportant and Not Worth Paying Attention To

If you want to stand out, feel fresh, appear interesting and get noticed… …then you’ve got to use language that stands out, feels fresh, is interesting and gets noticed. This is common sense, but of course, it’s easier said than done. It’s tempting to use the first words that come to your mind, but usually? Those […]

8,324 READS
In: Creative Writing for the Internet


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