Category: Online Marketing

The Devil Isn’t In The Details. Your Next Dollar Is.

I was seated in the exit row. And when you’re seated in the exit row, you’re obligated to at least pretend to pay attention to the flight safety video, as 300 other people glance over at you and think, “Great. So that’s the dingle berry in charge of our lives.” I didn’t want to watch it, though. Not because safety isn’t important (insert Smokey the Bear infomercial here), but because I’ve seen the safety video enough times that I practically

Your Customers Already Told You What To Say.

“If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?” “Why is a tennis ball fuzzy?” “What is your least favorite thing about humanity?” “How does the internet work?” Can you believe this? There are innocent people getting clobbered with these kinds of interview questions in dimly lit corporate offices AS WE SPEAK. (Except actually just kidding, because I happen to think those questions are excellent. You really want to weed out those drug lords, you know?)

Difference Isn’t About Being Different.

You know what I’m passionate about? Elephants. Big, giant, hot chartreuse, polka dotted elephants. In the room. Online. Where there’s at least one Nigerian Prince sending out emails with the salutation, “Friend.” (Oh wait, that was me.) Right now, the elephant in the room I’m sitting in is the increasingly common practice of—how should I say it?—embellishing how to describe what you do // help with // are. “Me? I’m the Chief Happiness Officer and I, well, I help people

Get Yourself Some Enemies

Elementary school ruined everything. They tattooed horrible cliches onto our 8 year old hearts to “think big!” — “aim high!” — “walk with your head down in single file OR DIE” — — which probably explains New York City. While I know they REALLY wanted you to become an astronaut (or at least make sure you knew how to spell astronaut), I really want you to come back down to earth because every time you run off and “think big,”

Are You Peeing In The Sea of Sameness?

I was disgusted. She was the 11th person to pass by trying to peddle the same exact selection of sunglasses that ten other people had peddled just seconds before. “Senorita?” she said, tapping me on the shoulder from behind my table once more. I ignored her once more. She circled around me in case I wasn’t hearing her. I forced myself to calmly keep eating my filet, eyes fixed straightforward, as if she were invisible. She tried once again to

You are not anyone’s only option. (…So now what?)

We made out for hours that night. College kids stepped clumsily around us, spilling their beer as much as their morals. It was an era of chunky blonde highlights and boot cut jeans, tanning beds and lacy little lingerie tops from Express. My favorite was champagne & cream colored. I had it on that night. Because, as any college girl knows, all it takes to get attention is a nice ass and, well, lacy little lingerie tops from Express. But

What You Say Is More Important Than What You Sell

What you say is more important than what you sell. Creativity is not a child’s luxury; it’s a smart business strategy. If you’re wondering whether creativity is a waste of time; if you’re convinced that “your product / service / website will speak for itself,” then think twice: Because creativity, as it’s usually defined, is about making a statement. But creativity in business is about making a statement that gets you what you want. Notice the difference. It’s important to

How to Blow Your Competitors Out of the Water—Even When There’s an Entire Sea of ‘Em

Last week, we talked about sustainable marketing efforts–not just wham bam thank you ma’am attempts like putting your logo on a BIC pen and handing them out to random nuns. Not effective. A much more effective way to market yourself? Becoming the obvious choice. Because, once again, when you’re the obvious choice–it isn’t a choice at all. And today we’re going to talk about the how. Because what’s the point of dippy dappy inspiration unless you can actually execute? So–becoming

Your Logo On a BIC Pen Isn’t Going to Do Jack. (And Other Marketing Tactics You Can Stop Wasting Your Time With.)

So, you know how you’ve been fumbling around on Twitter writing awkward tweets that say things like, “So…how about that mustard?” and “FOLLOW ME, I DON’T BITE!” to which some creepy man with a mustache from Idaho immediately responds with a frowney face, making you contemplate whether or not this is a plus or a minus, because, after all, IT IS A FOLLOWER. But soon you get tired of good ol’ porn stache, so you pop on over to your

Want to Stand Out In a Sea of Competitors? Stand UP.

Say you’re shopping for a diamond. “You’re shopping for a diamond.” (<—Anyone who just made that joke in their head is FIRED…but also sort of hilarious.) Popping over to Google, you search for the goods, pounding out “perfect diamonds” with your click-clacking fingers and hoping for the best. The result? Websites and websites and websites AND WEBSITES (and probably a stray ad for Twizzlers) all claiming high-quality. All claiming unrivaled gems. All saying the same exact thing, overwhelming you with