ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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“Will You Get Off My NUTS?!” And Other Things People Are NOT Thinking About You When You Market to Them

In: Online Marketing

Repeat after me:

You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTHER.

You're doing me a favor by being there. You're doing all of us a favor by bringing your work into the world.

But god dammit, if you leave me out—if you do not tell me about all of the ways that you can help me, and if you keep your work hidden from me, and if you decline to show me just how much better my life could be, then I should think you trying to do me harm. There's nothing like being left intentionally left out, and that is what you are doing to your customers by not marketing to them. You are depriving me of something I need—and yeah, I'm pretty bummed.

If the cure for cancer existed, but the doctors didn't tell you about it because they didn't want to seem pushy, would you be relieved, or?

Marketing, when done correctly, is not about coercion: it's about matching. You need, I have. Which is why it's paramount that you figure out who the people are who need you. Not about the people who *could* give you money (there are plenty of those dick nuggets), but the people who really, really need and want and would friggin' JUMP UP AND DOWN to find out about you.

Marketing is a good deed, y'all. It will make the right people excited. How's that for a reframe?

By the way, if you are someone who is struggling with a fear of selling yourself, christ on a stick, go buy this book. Or, hey, listen to it while you send your morning fax! (My favorite euphemism.) It's called, “This is Marketing,” and you will highlight every other fucking line. You will lick the front of your Kindle. You will put this book down your pants just to have it with you at all times. (It's that good. No wonder I was getting awkward looks yesterday.)

When you market, you aren't hoping to sell anyone: you're hoping to change their life for the better. Money, in all her glory, just happens to be the happy by-product of that.

May 13

2017

Let’s Get One Thing Straight: There’s Only One Way to Stand Out from the Sea of Sameness, and It’s Free

May 13, 2017

Everyone wants to stand out from the sea of sameness—a phrase I coined years ago, right here on this blog, when the Internet first started teetering toward “me, too!” syndrome. Ask most people how to stand out, and depending on their industry, they’ll tell you something different: Get a website! Learn how to write copy! […]

In: Online Marketing

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Feb 21

2012

How Being Unapologetic Helps Me–And You–Win At Biz

Feb 21, 2012

First of all, if you want teddy bears, get off this blog. Teddy bears and hand holding is for other people. Here, we’re about fresh ones right across the face. I don’t have time for bullshit, and neither do you.–  Second, if you aren’t going to take the quality of your life seriously, get off […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jul 14

2011

Paris, Wankers + Marketing for Local Business Owners

Jul 14, 2011

So, I’m on a plane. I may or may not be drinking French wine from a miniature bottle that could really be bigger for seven dollars, but I mean, who’s really measuring? Don’t judge. I figure that between having never tried cigarettes, and having stuck up for the nerdy girl that one time in the […]

In: Online Marketing

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May 15

2013

On Getting the World to Pay Attention to You

May 15, 2013

I’m pretty sure one of the things on my Top 10 List of Life’s Secret Weapons That Everyone Should Know About Because They Help You Get Ahead Faster Than Everyone Else on the Planet is this: Learning how to make an unforgettable, cannot-be-ignored kind of STATEMENT. This is likely why I favor obnoxious bauble necklaces and blog headers […]

In: Online Marketing

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Sep 6

2017

Marketing Is Fucking Weird, Isn’t It?

Sep 6, 2017

Marketing is fucking weird, isn’t it? Everyone’s really anxious about it all the time, and it makes lots of people go into hiding and never, ever, ever want to come out. (I think they imagine others looking at them and pointing and growling, “Youuuu dirty rotten slimmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.) But I gotta say: marketing gets really easy […]

In: Online Marketing

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Sep 27

2012

Let The Serious Folks Go Seriously Broke.

Sep 27, 2012

  I can’t do serious. I’m not sure if you could tell from the name of this blog, or from anything I’ve ever written, said, tweeted and/or mimed while naked, but it’s true. (There was actually no naked miming. I do a lot of stuff naked, but really, who the hell mimes these days?) I’m […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 10

2011

The 11 Word Equation for Surefire Business Success

Jan 10, 2011

How you shine + How you can help others shine= BUSINESS BRILLIANCE Take a hard look at that, and really think about what that means. It’s the only equation you need to know. The rest are details that can be sorted along the way. So, what are you waiting for? Do the math, and get […]

In: Online Marketing

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Feb 26

2012

Why Sucky People Get More Clients Than You

Feb 26, 2012

Your ability to get clients has nothing to do with the quality of your work. There, I said it. Bold statement. I brought this up the other day in my Behind Closed Doors group, and I want to bring it up here, too. ::   A lot of your future and continued success depends on your ability to […]

In: Online Marketing

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Sep 10

2018

Know Who Your Haters Are

Sep 10, 2018

Tiffany’s doesn’t try to sell diamonds to a sixteen-year-old girl. Nor are they offended, nor worried, when teens aren’t flocking to their stores. Tiffany’s knows that sixteen-year-old girls most definitely aren’t their market. And I also imagine that, were a sixteen-year-old girl to proclaim that Tiffany’s sucks absolute DONKEY BALLS, they wouldn’t take it to […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 30

2012

Don’t Stand Out – Stand the Fuck Up.

Jan 30, 2012

So. If you recall, in the last post, I made up a ridiculous scenario where you were headed to your fake neighbor’s house for dinner, whose guts you may or may not have secretly hated. She was serving you quiche, at which point you made a face that slightly resembled this—> ?!?!?!?!!!!!. As a result, […]

In: Online Marketing

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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