ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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“Will You Get Off My NUTS?!” And Other Things People Are NOT Thinking About You When You Market to Them

In: Online Marketing

Repeat after me:

You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
You are not a bother.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTHER.

You're doing me a favor by being there. You're doing all of us a favor by bringing your work into the world.

But god dammit, if you leave me out—if you do not tell me about all of the ways that you can help me, and if you keep your work hidden from me, and if you decline to show me just how much better my life could be, then I should think you trying to do me harm. There's nothing like being left intentionally left out, and that is what you are doing to your customers by not marketing to them. You are depriving me of something I need—and yeah, I'm pretty bummed.

If the cure for cancer existed, but the doctors didn't tell you about it because they didn't want to seem pushy, would you be relieved, or?

Marketing, when done correctly, is not about coercion: it's about matching. You need, I have. Which is why it's paramount that you figure out who the people are who need you. Not about the people who *could* give you money (there are plenty of those dick nuggets), but the people who really, really need and want and would friggin' JUMP UP AND DOWN to find out about you.

Marketing is a good deed, y'all. It will make the right people excited. How's that for a reframe?

By the way, if you are someone who is struggling with a fear of selling yourself, christ on a stick, go buy this book. Or, hey, listen to it while you send your morning fax! (My favorite euphemism.) It's called, “This is Marketing,” and you will highlight every other fucking line. You will lick the front of your Kindle. You will put this book down your pants just to have it with you at all times. (It's that good. No wonder I was getting awkward looks yesterday.)

When you market, you aren't hoping to sell anyone: you're hoping to change their life for the better. Money, in all her glory, just happens to be the happy by-product of that.

Oct 10

2012

Why “Business As Usual” Is Usually Killing Your Business

Oct 10, 2012

Fun is underrated. It’s no longer enough to do a good job, provide good customer service or deliver on time. Those things aren’t competitive advantages; they’re the expectation. And since they’re the expectation, you’re not impressing anyone. What isn’t always the expectation, however, is how fun it’ll be to do business with you. Not just pleasant. […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jun 25

2014

It’s Never About What You’re Selling. And Always About What They’re Buying. There’s a Difference.

Jun 25, 2014

Anytime I’ve seen a man in khaki, I’ve thought horrible things about his package. Maybe because they remind me of grandfathers. Or maybe because they remind me of Mr. Rogers. Either way, no female has ever wanted her boy friend to look like a boy scout. Khaki spells uptight. Conservative. Narrow-minded. Bourgeois. Which is why I […]

In: Online Marketing

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May 15

2013

On Getting the World to Pay Attention to You

May 15, 2013

I’m pretty sure one of the things on my Top 10 List of Life’s Secret Weapons That Everyone Should Know About Because They Help You Get Ahead Faster Than Everyone Else on the Planet is this: Learning how to make an unforgettable, cannot-be-ignored kind of STATEMENT. This is likely why I favor obnoxious bauble necklaces and blog headers […]

In: Online Marketing

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Nov 19

2015

What if My Customers Aren’t All the Same? How Do I Appeal to Multiple Targets? It’s called Positioning (And for Once I’m Not Talking About the Kama Sutra)

Nov 19, 2015

SELLING YOUR STUFF TO OTHER HUMANS IS HARD. (Caps required.) It’s hard for a number of reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is because nobody really knows what to say. We’re all filled with a million different ugly little self-doubts floating around our nervous little brains. What should the headline say? Do I emphasize […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 19

2012

I Want You. Now.

Jan 19, 2012

…yeah, you. Not so much in the, take-me-to-bed-tiger kind of way (that’s tomorrow. really. just wait.), but in a I-want-to-know-what-you-think kind of way. Not about the ozone. Or how much profanity I use. Or the fact that I apparently suck at responding to emails. (Shhhhhhhhh. I’m getting better!) I want to know what you think […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 23

2012

Sales Tip of The Year: Don’t Masturbate.

Jan 23, 2012

So since I’m in the United States for a hot minute, I have recently acquired a smart phone. I have three things to say about this:– Apparently, I’m better at coding HTML than I am at texting. Considering I have no fucking idea how to code HTML, you can imagine what kind of interesting text […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jul 6

2017

We Don’t Sell Those

Jul 6, 2017

There is a rose company, here in the UK, that doesn’t give a fuck that they don’t sell daisies. It’s delightfully refreshing, in fact. There are no apologies about it; no wishy washiness; no trying to cover all the bases. Just this base is fine, thanks. Notice the quiet confidence it exudes? I’m also betting […]

In: Online Marketing

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Feb 26

2012

Why Sucky People Get More Clients Than You

Feb 26, 2012

Your ability to get clients has nothing to do with the quality of your work. There, I said it. Bold statement. I brought this up the other day in my Behind Closed Doors group, and I want to bring it up here, too. ::   A lot of your future and continued success depends on your ability to […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jul 14

2011

Paris, Wankers + Marketing for Local Business Owners

Jul 14, 2011

So, I’m on a plane. I may or may not be drinking French wine from a miniature bottle that could really be bigger for seven dollars, but I mean, who’s really measuring? Don’t judge. I figure that between having never tried cigarettes, and having stuck up for the nerdy girl that one time in the […]

In: Online Marketing

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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