ASH AMBIRGE

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A Tiger Doesn’t Ask Permission of the Gazelles to Sprint

In: Finding Your Voice

Stop giving a shit about the stats. So you don’t have any subscribers? Who cares—you don’t need subscribers to put your best work out into the world. You don’t even need a website. Just start.

Surprise—I’ve had a few thousand people unsubscribe since I started doing daily emails. Guess what? I’m doing it, anyway, full speed ahead. I’m doing them because the integrity of my work demands it. A writer writes—and it’s none of my business who is reading. It’s my job to do the writing. You will either love it or hate it, but I can’t care either way. I’ve done my part. That’s all that’s required of me, and it’s all that’s required of you.

Stop trying to play everybody’s else's part. It would be awkward in a play, and it’s straight up maddening in real life.

A tiger doesn’t ask permission of the gazelles to sprint.

In fact, I believe “move bitch, get out the way,” is playing in her headphones, every time she tears off down the savanna.

Sep 1

2017

The World’s Funniest Fucking Soaps, Uh, Ever

You should know that I have officially discovered THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER BEEN MADE (after Cards Against Humanity, of course) and I had to share with you because I don’t keep anything from you (except for that one thing) and because we could all use some inspiration and also because CAN WE JUST LIGHTEN […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Dec 28

2012

Forget Your Manners.

It’s polite to: …fulfill your obligations. …answer them back right away. …nod in agreement. …go with the flow. …do as you’re asked. …drink because they are. …take their call. …give your undivided attention. …fill the silence. …and always be there when they need you. Then again, no one’s ever done anything remarkable by always being […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Nov 22

2017

There’s No Such Thing As An Idea That *Isn’t* Offensive

You know what I’m grateful for? Fucking. NOT LIKE THAT, SICKO. Although, I mean, I guess…wait. Let me start again. I like the word fucking because it’s representative of something so much bigger than that, which is the real thing I’m grateful for: freedom of expression. Remember that cute little First Amendment? It says that the […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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May 27

2017

The Anti-Trump Bar: The Way You Stand Out is By Standing UP

There’s an AWESOME new creative cocktail lounge in New York City called Coup. All of the profits are being donated to organizations being threatened or defunded by the current administration. Tips are donated, too. Guest bartenders are flying in from all over the world, no charge, to donate their services. And guess what? There are lines […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Feb 10

2016

Nice Brands Finish Last

[x_blockquote type=”center”]I take it as an insult when somebody calls me The N Word: Nice.[/x_blockquote] Out of 100,000 adjectives in the English language, if the best you can come up with is nice, then I’m doing something wrong. It’s like spending Thanksgiving Day ripping out gizzards and mashing actual potatoes, only to be told that […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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