How to Introduce Yourself at a Dinner Party Like a Cool-As-A-Cucumber BALLER

“So, what do you do?”

These are the words WE ALL DREAD, FAM. Even professional communicators—cough cough—who work online and write inappropriate blog posts and whose job titles can't easily be corralled onto some adorable fucktard pin.

This past week, however, I had the opportunity to reflect on the personal intro more than ever when I found myself at not one, but TWO separate dinner parties with two sets of humans who were decidedly not indoctrinated in the online world. (The nerve, y'all.) One was a group of diplomats in Washington—crazy intelligent foreign service offers who were hoping to Christ that the anonymous NY Times op-ed wasn't contrived by the Trump administration in order to discredit the paper—and the other was a group of Aussie businessmen in New York City, who had clients like hospitals and dropped a grand on wine like it ain't no thang.

Fortunately, writing a book with a well-known publisher proved wonderfully useful in this setting: this is something people get. It gives them a frame of reference for mentally categorizing you and moving the conversation forward, which is what they're trying to do. But calling myself an author can never come close to encapsulating who I really am and what I really do on a daily basis—and if you're reading this, most likely what you do on a daily basis.

So after giving this some thought, I came up with a quick and easy method for creating a compelling personal intro on the fly—and hopefully this helps you anytime you're feeling all DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS, TOTALLY SHATTING MYSELF. Because the personal intro is the biggest speech you never prepare, but it's important to shape and organize information in such a way that it lands on your audience the way you want them to hear it. (And so you don't have a seizure.)

Why not give the following a whirl the next time you're stuck?

1. Open with a fun fact about your job that's attention-grabbing, funny, unusual or unexpected.

As luck would have it, I happen to be personally responsible for five-hundred plus brides in the Philadelphia area who walked down the aisle wearing rainbow-colored wedding dresses this year!

So, funny story, I'm the CEO of a dog-walking company called—ready for this?—Doggie Style.

I'm pretty sure my last client summed it up pretty well when she called me, “the top banana of wallpaper design.”

2. Insert the problem you solve.

More and more women are looking for something unconventional as opposed to the traditional white wedding gown.

We do dog walking a little bit differently—each pup gets their own dedicated Instagram account where our walkers post photos and Instastories throughout the day for their owners to follow along with.

I create custom wallpaper for interior designers who want to really wow their clients with something special and personal.

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3. Close with data points for credibility.

I'm happy to report that growth has consistently doubled year after year, and this year we're projecting our first seven figures!

We now employ over 100 walkers and have worked with over 500 families in the Philadelphia metro area.

I was really excited recently when some of my work was featured in Good Housekeeping and Oprah's O Magazine!

All together, it would sound like:

As luck would have it, I happen to be personally responsible for five-hundred plus brides in the Philadelphia area who walked down the aisle wearing rainbow-colored wedding dresses this year! More and more women are looking for something unconventional as opposed to the traditional white wedding gown. I'm happy to report that growth has consistently doubled year after year, and this year we're projecting our first seven figures.

So, funny story, I'm the CEO of a dog-walking company called—ready for this?—Doggie Style. We do dog walking a little bit differently—each pup gets their own dedicated Instagram account where our walkers post photos and Instastories throughout the day for their owners to follow along with. We now employ over 100 walkers and have worked with over 500 families in the Philadelphia metro area.

I'm pretty sure my last client summed it up pretty well when she called me, “the top banana of wallpaper design.” I create custom wallpaper for interior designers who want to really wow their clients with something special and personal. I was really excited recently when some of my work was featured in Good Housekeeping and Oprah's O Magazine!

Remember: Don’t overthink it. Your personal intro isn't meant to be comprehensive; it’s meant to be attention-grabbing and memorable. So make it fun for yourself—and for your audience.

The worst thing that could happen is public humiliation. 😉 The best, however?

Is that you'll finally prove to yourself that you are GOD.

(I mean, right?)

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