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Sometimes Wonderful Can Still Be Heavy

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

love throwing sh*t out. Love, love, love, love, LOVE it. I throw out high heels and curtains, jewelry and fine china. (Okay so I don't actually throw it out. I donate it. But the point is, it's goneeeee.)

It isn't just the physical stuff: I'm also (creepily) good at throwing out old ideas, old identities, and old dreams. It's all holding me down. Even the nice stuff. Even the wonderful stuff.

Because sometimes wonderful can still be heavy.

I'm talking about careers. I'm talking about relationships. I'm talking about the greatest of intentions. We hate abandoning what we've invested. We spent money! We spent years! We spent time and energy and focus, and none of it can go to waste. But it's the sunk cost fallacy at its finest: you've already spent the money. You've already spent the time. And that can never change, no matter what you do next.

So what you do next should be independent.

Imagine taking a wrong turn in Topeka, Kansas and then deciding to keep going down that road—all the way to fucking Virginia—because you'd already covered the mileage? That's asinine, but it's what we do when we've gone to school for something (and therefore don't want to waste it), worked for a company for X amount of years (and therefore don't want to waste it), or even so much as spent $100 on a pair of heels we'll never wear again (and therefore don't want to waste it).

We keep driving in the wrong direction because we don't want anything to have been for naught. We don't want to feel like we made a bad decision, so we hang onto that decision and let it dictate all the rest of the things. Forever. And, uh, ever. Until you reach the coast and go, “Wait, I didn't want to be here! What am I doing?!” Because god forbid we lose an investment. But it's that same investment that's pushing you to do things that are making you unhappy—and that's what makes it a fallacy.

On the surface, losing often looks a whole hell of a lot like losinguntil you think about what you stand to gain.

Jul 30


On NOT “Following Your Dreams”

Jul 30, 2010

You know, this whole “follow your dreams” thing is getting a little old, right? Coming from me, that’s probably surprising. But the problem is that so much of it is fluff. So much out there encourages you to start “living the life of your dreams,” while frolicking on a big white puffy cloud and nibbling […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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