Author, CEO & Founder

Learn More >>

Job Searching: Extending Your Cupped Hands & Hoping Someone Takes Mercy.

In: Hate Your Job?

“Land of the free, home of the brave” should really have some fine print that reads, “as long as you stick your tail between your legs, binge drink at baseball games and look the other way.”

As a population of people horrified with the slave practices of the past, it's a bit ironic that most go through life participating in a slave practice of the present.

As a society based on ‘time is money,' they've got you by the balls. We're all living like a bunch of fast-food workers on an assembly line, replicating ‘success' as fast as possible, without ever stopping to examine what the hell we're even making here. 

Everyone just stands politely in line, makin' a bunch of hamburgers, waiting to die.

What are we DOING?

In case you missed the invention of the internet, things aren't the same as they used to be.

Turns out, you don't have to cruise to work in a 1970's Mustang convertible, sit in a desk all day, rinse and repeat for 40 years, and feel fine and dandy. Or even use the word dandy.

Actually, you couldn't if you wanted to. There's big competition out there now. Other hamburger makers in line for your job. And now that everything's online, they don't even need to leave the house to take it from you.

Once upon a time you might have been considered a valuable asset to the company /organization /restaurant / brothel you were working for (don’t work for a brothel), and all you had to worry about after that was finding love and making sure there were no chunks of squash in your teeth before the big kiss.

Ditch the 3D glasses. That's a hologram.

We were taught to believe that if we just “got in good” with a company, we'd be set, and that's because we were deliberately taught to think that, and for a very specific reason:

Without you, companies cannot produce profit.


Companies don't need you, necessarily; they need the output of what you produce.

You, as an individual, aren't valuable to the company—the role you perform is.

This is why the education system was even created in the first place—to crank out hundreds of thousands of individuals primed to fill those roles. The ones that keep the economy churning, and keep the people in power, in power.

Thought you were getting an education for your benefit? For the sake of humanity? To move the human race forward?

Not from an economic standpoint.

The more human capital we have readily available to fill available roles, the more the production wheel churns without interruption, and the more money is made for the economy–and the people running the show. Not necessarily for you, though.

It isn't about you. It's about the dollar bills. And it always has been. We just never noticed.

Ultimately, most people are being evaluated as to how efficiently they can make a fucking hamburger—regardless of artistic talent, creative problem solving skills, ability to think beyond hamburgers, or any number of personality traits that would carry a person farther in life than being able to smear some mayonnaise on a bun.

But when people grow up believing that things like education and jobs are good for them, it's hard to look beyond the lens. It's hard to see that they're actually in control of those things called their lives, and it's worth considering the alternatives (like starting your own business) to extending your cupped hands and hoping someone takes mercy (job searching).

It's a system full of corporate propaganda, television, and the media, and when you let the system control your quality of life, you're right where the system wants you.

A voluntary, modern-day slave, eager to please with resume-in-hand. (You did keep it to one page, didn’t you?) A slave to society. To the system. To the profit motives of people you’ll never meet.

But that's just the way the world works, isn't it?

Sure, it's popular alright.

But just because it's popular doesn't mean it's good. It means it's popular.

And, sorry for all the years you spent getting your varsity jacket, but as it turns out, life is one big contest that the popular kid?

Doesn't always win. 

Jun 18


Seek Pleasure, And You Will Have Found Your Work

Procrastination is not a symptom of something that’s wrong with you, your brain, or your level of commitment—it’s a clue. Something is wrong with it. The thing you’re doing—do you really want to be doing it? Does this actually give you joy, or have you roped yourself into yet another maze of obligations and onuses, […]

In: Hate Your Job?


Dec 1


“I Want to Do Something Else…But What?” Welcome To The Fucking Question That Everyone Is Asking Themselves.

I have a dirty little hypothesis. It’s about the discontent. The unrest. This global epidemic that’s happening behind closed doors of women wanting something else. It’s why the LuLaRoe, the Advocare, the Younique. It’s why books like Eat, Pray, Love became bestsellers. It’s why we’re spending so much time on the Internet, too, and drinking […]

In: Hate Your Job?


Oct 17


We Need You to Give Yourself the Job

Today I will drive twenty six miles on backroads, through crisp autumn air, past dairy farms and old Citgo stations, and up a giant hill to my alma mater, Blue Ridge High School, here in rural Pennsylvania. I’m speaking to a group of seniors. Hijacking their last class of the day as I hoist myself […]

In: Hate Your Job?


Feb 17


Starting a Business Isn’t for Weak People, Shitty People, Irresponsible People, Undisciplined People, Stupid People, Forgetful People, Lazy People, Irrational People, Impatient People, or People Who Blame Everything on Obama.

Nearly ten years ago when I started my first copywriting business, I struggled with the things most new business owners struggle with: Telling a client your fees while silently thinking shitshitshitshitshitshitshit! Having no idea if your fees are too high or too low or WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO BE CHARGING?! Constantly worried […]

In: Hate Your Job?


Apr 28


Make Something That Matters

Things aren’t always what they seem. An email list full of 100,000 people is meaningless if only 100 of those people open the emails. Similarly, an email list of 100 people, with 100 of those people opening them, does mean something. Who is more successful? And who is doing something that actually matters?

In: Hate Your Job?


Oct 24


Don’t Sell Your Soul—Sell Your SKILLS.

Everybody knows how to do something, and that includes you. And guess what? That means you can teach someone else. And whatever you can teach someone, you can sell to someone. …And I say that without a shred of snake oil. Knowledge is what makes our world go ‘round. Now, more than ever, you can […]

In: Hate Your Job?


Exclusive VIP Access

Join The Middle Finger Project mafia—over 75,000+ disobedient humans strong—and as a welcome gift (which I promise won’t be a thug named Vinny), I’ll send you a top secret discount code for our best-selling courses, kits and workshops. Because #SOLIDARITY.

It’s free, and you’ll also get new posts every week, plus at least one GIF of Betty White for the win.

Privacy Policy Info Here