ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Job Searching: Extending Your Cupped Hands & Hoping Someone Takes Mercy.

In: Hate Your Job?

“Land of the free, home of the brave” should really have some fine print that reads, “as long as you stick your tail between your legs, binge drink at baseball games and look the other way.”

As a population of people horrified with the slave practices of the past, it's a bit ironic that most go through life participating in a slave practice of the present.

As a society based on ‘time is money,' they've got you by the balls. We're all living like a bunch of fast-food workers on an assembly line, replicating ‘success' as fast as possible, without ever stopping to examine what the hell we're even making here. 

Everyone just stands politely in line, makin' a bunch of hamburgers, waiting to die.

What are we DOING?

In case you missed the invention of the internet, things aren't the same as they used to be.

Turns out, you don't have to cruise to work in a 1970's Mustang convertible, sit in a desk all day, rinse and repeat for 40 years, and feel fine and dandy. Or even use the word dandy.

Actually, you couldn't if you wanted to. There's big competition out there now. Other hamburger makers in line for your job. And now that everything's online, they don't even need to leave the house to take it from you.

Once upon a time you might have been considered a valuable asset to the company /organization /restaurant / brothel you were working for (don’t work for a brothel), and all you had to worry about after that was finding love and making sure there were no chunks of squash in your teeth before the big kiss.

Ditch the 3D glasses. That's a hologram.

We were taught to believe that if we just “got in good” with a company, we'd be set, and that's because we were deliberately taught to think that, and for a very specific reason:

Without you, companies cannot produce profit.

However:

Companies don't need you, necessarily; they need the output of what you produce.

You, as an individual, aren't valuable to the company—the role you perform is.

This is why the education system was even created in the first place—to crank out hundreds of thousands of individuals primed to fill those roles. The ones that keep the economy churning, and keep the people in power, in power.

Thought you were getting an education for your benefit? For the sake of humanity? To move the human race forward?

Not from an economic standpoint.

The more human capital we have readily available to fill available roles, the more the production wheel churns without interruption, and the more money is made for the economy–and the people running the show. Not necessarily for you, though.

It isn't about you. It's about the dollar bills. And it always has been. We just never noticed.

Ultimately, most people are being evaluated as to how efficiently they can make a fucking hamburger—regardless of artistic talent, creative problem solving skills, ability to think beyond hamburgers, or any number of personality traits that would carry a person farther in life than being able to smear some mayonnaise on a bun.

But when people grow up believing that things like education and jobs are good for them, it's hard to look beyond the lens. It's hard to see that they're actually in control of those things called their lives, and it's worth considering the alternatives (like starting your own business) to extending your cupped hands and hoping someone takes mercy (job searching).

It's a system full of corporate propaganda, television, and the media, and when you let the system control your quality of life, you're right where the system wants you.

A voluntary, modern-day slave, eager to please with resume-in-hand. (You did keep it to one page, didn’t you?) A slave to society. To the system. To the profit motives of people you’ll never meet.

But that's just the way the world works, isn't it?

Sure, it's popular alright.

But just because it's popular doesn't mean it's good. It means it's popular.

And, sorry for all the years you spent getting your varsity jacket, but as it turns out, life is one big contest that the popular kid?

Doesn't always win. 

May 25

2017

How to Land Your Dream Job—Without Any Prior Experience, Connections, And/Or Bribing The Boss With Your Boobs

May 25, 2017

STOP WAITING. You don’t need to wait for someone else to “give you” the dream job, anymore. That one where you travel the world, sourcing big, funky oversized silver jewelry and re-selling it in your shop. That one where you photograph every luxury boutique hotel in the city and create your own guide. That one […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Dec 1

2017

“I Want to Do Something Else…But What?” Welcome To The Fucking Question That Everyone Is Asking Themselves.

Dec 1, 2017

I have a dirty little hypothesis. It’s about the discontent. The unrest. This global epidemic that’s happening behind closed doors of women wanting something else. It’s why the LuLaRoe, the Advocare, the Younique. It’s why books like Eat, Pray, Love became bestsellers. It’s why we’re spending so much time on the Internet, too, and drinking […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Apr 28

2017

Make Something That Matters

Apr 28, 2017

Things aren’t always what they seem. An email list full of 100,000 people is meaningless if only 100 of those people open the emails. Similarly, an email list of 100 people, with 100 of those people opening them, does mean something. Who is more successful? And who is doing something that actually matters?

In: Hate Your Job?

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Jul 21

2017

Love or Money? Which Should You Go For in Business, In Your Next Project, In Your Next Great Lust Affair With Life?

Jul 21, 2017

There are the passionistas and the opportunists. The passionistas argue you should do what you love. The opportunists argue you should do what you see. In a place like Costa Rica, where C and I have a home, there’s so much opportunity it’s dizzying. Every five minutes I’m starting a new business in my brain. […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Jun 14

2019

If You Ain’t Feelin’ Your Work Anymore: HONEY, BURN THAT ISH DOWN.

Jun 14, 2019

So, here’s an idea: making money is not courageous. Anybody can ring a bell for twenty years. “Look, ma—I’ve been standing over here ringing this bell for two entire decades—durh, durh, durh—and I finally got a sticker!” Making money is a relatively straightforward consequence of showing up to breathe in the right place. Cause and […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life, Hate Your Job?

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Aug 6

2019

“I Don’t Know What I Want to Dooooo, And I’m Kinda Confused, and I’m Feeling Like a Flakey Little Fruitcake, Ash!”

Aug 6, 2019

WITTY BANTER. Biggest turn-on ever. (Because we’re just opening with that, okay?) Like, I don’t even care if you’re wearing coveralls and haven’t shaved in forty-nine years: if you’re witty, I’m going to want to jump your bones. Which I won’t do, ahem, given that I’m in a relationship and all, but this is a hypothetical […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Jun 10

2017

You Know Who Wants a 4-Hour Work Week? The People Who Have No Great Loves, No Red Hot Hopes, No Mad-Wild-Hunger In Their Eyes.

Jun 10, 2017

A couple weeks ago I was in Colombia. Right now, I’m in Costa Rica. Next week, I’ll be in the U.S. July 1st, I head to London for the summer. (Running our exciting VIP magazine photoshoots!) In August, I’m putting on a retreat in the English countryside. In September, I’m banking on Chile. In November, […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Jun 1

2017

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait for No One

Jun 1, 2017

Here’s a principle I vehemently disagree with: Good things come to those who wait. You know who probably came up with that stylish piece of wisdom? Someone in a position of power, tasked with managing the masses and getting them to obey orders. You can hear a teacher saying that, can’t you? Now, there, little […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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