ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Job Searching: Extending Your Cupped Hands & Hoping Someone Takes Mercy.

In: Hate Your Job?

“Land of the free, home of the brave” should really have some fine print that reads, “as long as you stick your tail between your legs, binge drink at baseball games and look the other way.”

As a population of people horrified with the slave practices of the past, it's a bit ironic that most go through life participating in a slave practice of the present.

As a society based on ‘time is money,' they've got you by the balls. We're all living like a bunch of fast-food workers on an assembly line, replicating ‘success' as fast as possible, without ever stopping to examine what the hell we're even making here. 

Everyone just stands politely in line, makin' a bunch of hamburgers, waiting to die.

What are we DOING?

In case you missed the invention of the internet, things aren't the same as they used to be.

Turns out, you don't have to cruise to work in a 1970's Mustang convertible, sit in a desk all day, rinse and repeat for 40 years, and feel fine and dandy. Or even use the word dandy.

Actually, you couldn't if you wanted to. There's big competition out there now. Other hamburger makers in line for your job. And now that everything's online, they don't even need to leave the house to take it from you.

Once upon a time you might have been considered a valuable asset to the company /organization /restaurant / brothel you were working for (don’t work for a brothel), and all you had to worry about after that was finding love and making sure there were no chunks of squash in your teeth before the big kiss.

Ditch the 3D glasses. That's a hologram.

We were taught to believe that if we just “got in good” with a company, we'd be set, and that's because we were deliberately taught to think that, and for a very specific reason:

Without you, companies cannot produce profit.

However:

Companies don't need you, necessarily; they need the output of what you produce.

You, as an individual, aren't valuable to the company—the role you perform is.

This is why the education system was even created in the first place—to crank out hundreds of thousands of individuals primed to fill those roles. The ones that keep the economy churning, and keep the people in power, in power.

Thought you were getting an education for your benefit? For the sake of humanity? To move the human race forward?

Not from an economic standpoint.

The more human capital we have readily available to fill available roles, the more the production wheel churns without interruption, and the more money is made for the economy–and the people running the show. Not necessarily for you, though.

It isn't about you. It's about the dollar bills. And it always has been. We just never noticed.

Ultimately, most people are being evaluated as to how efficiently they can make a fucking hamburger—regardless of artistic talent, creative problem solving skills, ability to think beyond hamburgers, or any number of personality traits that would carry a person farther in life than being able to smear some mayonnaise on a bun.

But when people grow up believing that things like education and jobs are good for them, it's hard to look beyond the lens. It's hard to see that they're actually in control of those things called their lives, and it's worth considering the alternatives (like starting your own business) to extending your cupped hands and hoping someone takes mercy (job searching).

It's a system full of corporate propaganda, television, and the media, and when you let the system control your quality of life, you're right where the system wants you.

A voluntary, modern-day slave, eager to please with resume-in-hand. (You did keep it to one page, didn’t you?) A slave to society. To the system. To the profit motives of people you’ll never meet.

But that's just the way the world works, isn't it?

Sure, it's popular alright.

But just because it's popular doesn't mean it's good. It means it's popular.

And, sorry for all the years you spent getting your varsity jacket, but as it turns out, life is one big contest that the popular kid?

Doesn't always win. 

Feb 18

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OKAY. I just have to say this before I freaking hurl a tray of freshly-baked carrot fries across the room. (What? They’re good. SPRINKLE THEM WITH SOME CUMIN.) So today at 8:32am I got a text from a friend—like, an actual, IRL friend—who is thinking about registering for B-School tomorrow (since she, like so many […]

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Jul 8

2017

You Find Peace With Your Work Through Tension

Jul 8, 2017

It’s never as scary as it seems. Everything you’re worried about happening? Won’t. It might seem intimidating, the world—putting yourself out there, taking the chance, trying something new, going all in, showing up, asking for help, connecting with strangers, and, ultimately, gambling your ego and everything you know to be true. There will be a […]

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Dec 1

2017

“I Want to Do Something Else…But What?” Welcome To The Fucking Question That Everyone Is Asking Themselves.

Dec 1, 2017

I have a dirty little hypothesis. It’s about the discontent. The unrest. This global epidemic that’s happening behind closed doors of women wanting something else. It’s why the LuLaRoe, the Advocare, the Younique. It’s why books like Eat, Pray, Love became bestsellers. It’s why we’re spending so much time on the Internet, too, and drinking […]

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2017

Stop Waiting to “Be Ready.” Or “Have Your Ducks in a Row.” Or Until the Baby is Born, or the House is Built, or the Kids Are Older / More Independent / Less of a Pain in the Ass.

Nov 10, 2017

I hear people talk about job security all the time, as if this were a real thing. But people really seem to like the concept, you know? I mean, I can’t think of anything more comforting than 40 years of standing in an elevator every day with Lou from HR. <Wide, delirious eyes.> I’m not […]

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May 1

2013

Here’s an Opportunity – TAKE IT

May 1, 2013

I’ve got a theory. Don’t tell anyone, because if they take it to heart, they might get even better at this business thing, and then what’s going to happen is that one year from now, you’ll somehow find yourself eating red velvet cupcakes at their book signing instead of your own, except you won’t just be […]

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Jul 1

2017

I Became an Entrepreneur Because My Life Stopped Being Fun

Jul 1, 2017

I’m in the airport, on my way to London. London is officially my favorite city in the world because it’s the one place where I don’t feel like an overdressed moron. (Try going anywhere in Costa Rica with even so much as kitten heels and YOU WILL LOOK RIDICULOUS.) I’ll be there all summer, excited […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Jun 18

2017

Seek Pleasure, And You Will Have Found Your Work

Jun 18, 2017

Procrastination is not a symptom of something that’s wrong with you, your brain, or your level of commitment—it’s a clue. Something is wrong with it. The thing you’re doing—do you really want to be doing it? Does this actually give you joy, or have you roped yourself into yet another maze of obligations and onuses, […]

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Feb 19

2019

[NOW OPEN!] Register Now for B-School and Get a Private, 60-Minute Call With Me

Feb 19, 2019

…I realllllly want to make a joke about B-School opening its legs, but I will refrain from being ever-so-classy. Instead, I will tell you, in equally classy big, caps letters, THAT AS OF 10AM EST THIS MORNING, B-SCHOOL IS NOW OPEN FOR REGISTRATION! Which either means you’re rushing to register, or you’re about to kill yourself. It’s […]

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Feb 13

2019

How to Start an Online Business When You Are Not an “Internet Person”—And Are Seriously Doubting That You Can Do This

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So, the other day one of my best college girlfriends reached out and was all, “Ashhhhhhhhhh! I need your helpppppp! I’m trying to start an online business but I have no idea what I’m doing and you’re obviously the first person that I thought of, muahahaha.” (She. Is. Adorable. She’s been hand-painting wooden signs and […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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