ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

Learn More >>

A Scenario You Should Pay Attention To

In: Online Marketing

So let's say your annoying neighbor invites you over for dinner.

Huge bitch.

But you decide to go, anyway, because you don't want to feel like an asshole every time you see her backing her brand new Lexus out of the driveway at the same exact time you and your '98 Toyota are pulling out. Which, conveniently, happens way more than you'd like.

On the night of THE DINNER, you head over with a bottle of wine–secretly hoping she spills it all over her stupid cream-colored silk blouse, so at the very least, you'll be mildly entertained.

For dinner, the neighbor made some asparagus quiche nonsense, while you silently wonder how the fuck to spell quiche, and whether or not she's going to ration your wine intake. Probably will. Yoga-practicing, flaxseed-worshipping whore.

Thank god you're armed with an emergency flask.

So you're chillin' out with your plate full of quiche, when, after some time passes, you finally muster the guts to ask *the* question.

The one that could screw up everything.

The one that could ruin your neighborly good will forever.

The one that could mean a lifetime full of evil eyes and passive aggressive slights.

You decide to ask it anyway.

Would you mind, um. Would you mind passing, uh, passing the salt?

You quickly look to gauge her reaction.

She stays calm.

Quiet.

Composed.

Proper.

And then silently, but obediently, through a clenched jaw, passes you the goods.

Whew.

That's a relief.

At least you've saved her from the even more embarrassing event of having you VOMIT AT THE TABLE.

So what does this ridiculous scenario have to do with anything?

Everything.

You'll find out tomorrow.

In the meantime, you should probably watch this music video. It has nothing to do with anything, and you won't understand the lyrics, but you'll get the point, and it's a good one to get.

Good thing I never promised coherence.

Until tomorrow!

Jan 24

2012

A Scenario You Should Pay Attention To

So let’s say your annoying neighbor invites you over for dinner. Huge bitch. But you decide to go, anyway, because you don’t want to feel like an asshole every time you see her backing her brand new Lexus out of the driveway at the same exact time you and your ’98 Toyota are pulling out. […]

In: Online Marketing

READ MORE >>

Feb 12

2013

7 Companies Doing Personality RIGHT.

Remember that one time every single day when I talked about how giving your business a personality will help you earn trust, differentiate yourself, and sell more to the right people? (As long as you don’t own a funeral home. That could be a tricky one.) Well guess what? It’s your lucky day because…I’m going […]

In: Online Marketing

READ MORE >>

Feb 21

2012

How Being Unapologetic Helps Me–And You–Win At Biz

First of all, if you want teddy bears, get off this blog. Teddy bears and hand holding is for other people. Here, we’re about fresh ones right across the face. I don’t have time for bullshit, and neither do you.–  Second, if you aren’t going to take the quality of your life seriously, get off […]

In: Online Marketing

READ MORE >>

Jan 20

2015

Clear vs Clever Copywriting is a Big, Fat, Bloated Myth (And a Scapegoat for Subpar Writers)

I’m a very dirty writer. Not Fifty Shades of Grey dirty, but dirty in the way that I put sentences, thoughts, ideas together. My process is wild. Sexy. Free. Undomesticated. And while I wish the reason were because I’m just such a clay-faced, crochet-bra-top-wearing, sun-worshipping bohemian soul (I am laughably not), rather, it’s because I […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet, Online Marketing

READ MORE >>

Jan 27

2015

You Can’t Sell Tickets to The Titanic if You’re Marketing it as a Rowboat

Like it or not, people do judge a book by its cover. And that cover happens to include the words on the front. There’s a palpable difference between the words, “hire me” versus “engagement fees.” There’s also a difference between “buy now” and “apply now.” (Even though those “apply now” snobs drive me insane.) And there’s a difference between, “Cost: […]

In: Online Marketing

READ MORE >>

Jun 11

2014

The Devil Isn’t In The Details. Your Next Dollar Is.

I was seated in the exit row. And when you’re seated in the exit row, you’re obligated to at least pretend to pay attention to the flight safety video, as 300 other people glance over at you and think, “Great. So that’s the dingle berry in charge of our lives.” I didn’t want to watch […]

In: Online Marketing

READ MORE >>

Exclusive VIP Access

Join The Middle Finger Project mafia—over 75,000+ disobedient humans strong—and as a welcome gift (which I promise won’t be a thug named Vinny), I’ll send you a top secret discount code for our best-selling courses, kits and workshops. Because #SOLIDARITY.

It’s free, and you’ll also get new posts every week, plus at least one GIF of Betty White for the win.

Privacy Policy Info Here