ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Looks Aren’t Superficial When It Comes to Making Money

In: Online Marketing

So I buy these B12 supplements the other day—BECAUSE APPARENTLY MY BODY IS ALL, OH, VITAMIN B, HAHA, THAT’S CUTE—and it comes in this sturdy little bottle that feels very important, and I’m all excited because obviously I think that I’m doing a good deed slash being a responsible adult. So I go to open this mighty container of magic, and you know what’s inside?

Five parts air.
One part cotton.
Point two parts B12 tablets, lining the bottom.

Like, this was the equivalent of opening a brand new bottle of wine and finding only enough for one glass—which would clearly be cause for an actual temper tantrum. Fortunately, however, I can count, and sure enough, sixty tablets are sixty tablets, and there they were in all their puny little glory.

The first thought that crosses your mind: why the balls wouldn’t they put these in a smaller container? Wouldn’t that save money—and help their customers feel less duped?

There are a number of reasons companies cite for why they do this: ordering one standard size bottle in bulk saves them time and money; drug information needs to be fully conveyed on the label; automation means that machines need to be able to fit their gangly arms into the top; bigger packaging reduces shoplifting, but there’s really only one reason, and it’s the simplest of all:

Optics.

If you saw how small the actual pills were, you’d never spend $30 for them. In many cases, we still relate value to size. This is why so many vitamins are actually bigger than they need to be—the tablets themselves are filled with filler. The same goes for the containers that they come in. Cotton is not necessary; it’s about perception—they need you to believe that you’re getting your money’s worth.

Bigger = more value.

If it were really the case that ordering one standard size bottle were the most cost effective, then why not just fill the bottle full of tablets and sell that?

They don’t sell that because that would mean that they’d have to 10x the price—and nobody would buy a bottle of vitamins for $300.

Does that mean they’re bad? No. Does it feel bad? Sometimes. But mostly, it just means they understand profit.

Because whether you’re selling vitamin tablets or copywriting services, the way you package what you’re selling is just as important as what you actually are.

In fact, in the eyes of the buyer, they're one in the same.

Apr 24

2013

Tired of Being Told To “Differentiate Yourself?”

Apr 24, 2013

Everyone tells you to be unique. Find your USP. Differentiate yourself. (Meanwhile, you’re all, “Stab, stab stab, I’m the same, I’m the same, I’m the same – how am I suppose to “differentiate” life coaching?) And so you take a drink, because these are the types of things that drive people to drink, and you […]

In: Online Marketing

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Oct 18

2012

How to Get People to Pay You More With Just ONE WORD.

Oct 18, 2012

His name was Joe. Rightfully so, because Joe was in charge of customer service at the Honda Dealer in good ol’ Scranton, Pennsylvania. And, I don’t know, I just trust men named Joe. I mean, you don’t want some jerkoff named Tucker invoicing you, do you? You’d leave and there’d be a doodle of a […]

In: Online Marketing

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Apr 11

2014

Your Customers Already Told You What To Say.

Apr 11, 2014

“If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?” “Why is a tennis ball fuzzy?” “What is your least favorite thing about humanity?” “How does the internet work?” Can you believe this? There are innocent people getting clobbered with these kinds of interview questions in dimly lit corporate offices AS WE […]

In: Online Marketing

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Nov 30

2011

Seduce Me And I’m Yours. Your Customer, That Is.

Nov 30, 2011

So, I’m a huge salsa fan. The love affair began nearly 10 years ago, when I first traveled to Costa Rica on an exchange program. His name was Alejandro, and he was the first boy to ever ask for my hand on the dance floor. He was golden tan with dark blue eyes, and long […]

In: Online Marketing

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Oct 19

2018

Make 50% of the Population Hate You

Oct 19, 2018

“Make 50% of the population hate you.” My editor reminded me of this the other day when we were talking about the main argument of my book. (And then I immediately wanted to tongue her.) Because that’s what arguments do, after all: they stand in opposition to something. They take a stand, plant their flag, […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jun 25

2014

It’s Never About What You’re Selling. And Always About What They’re Buying. There’s a Difference.

Jun 25, 2014

Anytime I’ve seen a man in khaki, I’ve thought horrible things about his package. Maybe because they remind me of grandfathers. Or maybe because they remind me of Mr. Rogers. Either way, no female has ever wanted her boy friend to look like a boy scout. Khaki spells uptight. Conservative. Narrow-minded. Bourgeois. Which is why I […]

In: Online Marketing

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Oct 11

2011

How Dating Chilean Men Can Help You Succeed In Business. Kind of. And Why Bloody Noses Are Not Okay, Which Is Not Related to The Story At All, But You Should Read About It, Anyway.

Oct 11, 2011

So the other day there was a guy. Isn’t there always a guy? Anyway, the other day there was a guy, and I may or may not have been kissing said guy. Said guy is so attractive, that I’m almost nervous to be kissing him, because, as we all know, when you’re kissing really attractive […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 21

2014

You are not anyone’s only option. (…So now what?)

Jan 21, 2014

We made out for hours that night. College kids stepped clumsily around us, spilling their beer as much as their morals. It was an era of chunky blonde highlights and boot cut jeans, tanning beds and lacy little lingerie tops from Express. My favorite was champagne & cream colored. I had it on that night. […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 23

2012

Sales Tip of The Year: Don’t Masturbate.

Jan 23, 2012

So since I’m in the United States for a hot minute, I have recently acquired a smart phone. I have three things to say about this:– Apparently, I’m better at coding HTML than I am at texting. Considering I have no fucking idea how to code HTML, you can imagine what kind of interesting text […]

In: Online Marketing

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