Tag: Living

No, You’re Not Overreacting. You’re Not Reading Into It Too Much. And You’re Not Being Overly Emotional, Either.

They say you should trust your gut, but I never really liked that saying. You want me to entrust this REALLY BIG DECISION on a bunch of leftover pizza and four Werther’s Originals? I prefer to say, “trust your inner anarchy,” mostly because at least that makes me feel like a little bit of an outlaw. None of this Tony Robbins crap. (Not that I don’t think Tony Robbins has a great smile. Tony Robbins has an EXCELLENT smile. Why

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For My People-Pleasing Babes Running Themselves Ragged (In Which The Phrase “Suck an Eggplant” Totally Makes an Appearance)

There’s a dirty little question I’ve been asking myself a lot, lately—and some might condemn me for it. In fact, this question is so controversial, I suspect 50% of the population may show up at the door with axes and sledgehammers, knives and crowbars. It is not a very Christian thing to think—then again, I’ve never been much of a Christian. (Just ask the girls who cornered me in grad school once and told me, with sweat upon their brow,

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Be Brave, Courageous, Interesting, Crazy, Difficult, Weird, and Downright Complicated. But Don’t You Ever Be Normal.

You know what’s fucked up? Normal. Normal is so fucked up. For example, it’s normal for expats to drink daily in Costa Rica. This is a terrible idea, and yet, because it’s done over and over again, it’s become normalized. NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU THE STINK EYE FOR SLUGGING A BEER AT 10AM, Y’ALL. It’s also normal to check your phone as soon as you wake up, answer texts as soon as they’re received, and assume, wrongly, that you

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Make 50% of the Population Hate You

“Make 50% of the population hate you.” My editor reminded me of this the other day when we were talking about the main argument of my book. (And then I immediately wanted to tongue her.) Because that’s what arguments do, after all: they stand in opposition to something. They take a stand, plant their flag, and proclaim something they believe to be true—that, by design, not everyone will be able to agree with. You don’t want everyone to agree with

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How to Introduce Yourself at a Dinner Party Like a Cool-As-A-Cucumber BALLER

“So, what do you do?” These are the words WE ALL DREAD, FAM. Even professional communicators—cough cough—who work online and write inappropriate blog posts and whose job titles can’t easily be corralled onto some adorable fucktard pin. This past week, however, I had the opportunity to reflect on the personal intro more than ever when I found myself at not one, but TWO separate dinner parties with two sets of humans who were decidedly not indoctrinated in the online world.

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Sometimes Wonderful Can Still Be Heavy

I love throwing sh*t out. Love, love, love, love, LOVE it. I throw out high heels and curtains, jewelry and fine china. (Okay so I don’t actually throw it out. I donate it. But the point is, it’s goneeeee.) It isn’t just the physical stuff: I’m also (creepily) good at throwing out old ideas, old identities, and old dreams. It’s all holding me down. Even the nice stuff. Even the wonderful stuff. Because sometimes wonderful can still be heavy. I’m

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Know Who Your Haters Are

Tiffany’s doesn’t try to sell diamonds to a sixteen-year-old girl. Nor are they offended, nor worried, when teens aren’t flocking to their stores. Tiffany’s knows that sixteen-year-old girls most definitely aren’t their market. And I also imagine that, were a sixteen-year-old girl to proclaim that Tiffany’s sucks absolute DONKEY BALLS, they wouldn’t take it to too much heart either. 🙂 That seems obvious on its face, but try telling that to the millennial who has just read a critical review

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One Big, Sexy Question for Instant Clarification On: What the Hell Do I Want to Do With My Life?

I was reading something on the Internet yesterday that was praising this woman’s work, and I thought to myself: there’s such a difference between doing work and having work. (And yes, I italicized “such” in my mind.) To do work is to take on a task, whoever’s task it might be. To have work, though—work that belongs to you, that you have taken upon yourself to explore, that you call your work—that’s something entirely different. You don’t hear much praise

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A Wee Little Heart-to-Heart on The Fear of Being TOO. MUCH.

You know how I know when someone’s lying to themselves? *chomps peanut* The way they write. I can tell a lot about about a person by the way they write—myself included. I know there are people who are all, “But wait, WHAT ABOUT GENUINELY BAD WRITERS?” to which I say, yes, I know, they are absolute monsters, but also that—this has nothing to do with being a good writer or a bad writer, and everything to do with the person

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Nine Freaking Months. That’s How Long It Takes to Make ONE Episode of The Simpsons.

Nine months! Which, for the record, is the same amount of time it took me to learn how to operate a damn Keurig. (WHY IS IT SO TOUCHY?! THE CUP IS IN! THE CUP IS INNNNN, I TELL YOU!) So nine months to make a single episode of The Simpsons—which is definitely longer than you’d imagine, since it is the twenty-first century and all. And yet—and here’s the real kicker—it only takes a writer two weeks to write the script,

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