Work Archives

It Doesn’t Matter Where You Start. But Waiting to Start Will Kill You.

You know who’s going to hate me after they read this? (Besides the evangelicals, who always hate me.) THE PLANNERS. Godddd, did I used to be jealous of The Planners! These cruise directors were over there color-coordinating their kumquats and placing wax paper in between their leftover slices of pepperoni pizza and recording their daily emotions on sticky notes—while meanwhile, I’m all, “Hey, has anyone seen my coat? WHERE IS MY COAT? DID I LEAVE MY COAT IN LONDON? On

Jan 28, 2020

What Is It With Building Contractors? REALLY THO. (Plus a Lesson on Pre-Qualifying Your Clients Or Die.)

Okay, serious question: why is it that building contractors are the worst human beings ever worst business owners on the actual planet? What is going on here? Do I need to make an online course? Do I need to open the Ashley Ambirge School of Business for Contractors, Home Improvement Specialists, and Other Slippery Assholes? (That SEO could get interesting.) Guys. It’s killing me. I’ve had one window company and two different wallpaper hangers take allllllllll the time to get

Jan 16, 2020

Interview Me for The Middle Finger Project Book!

Oh my. I’ve just done something terrible. I mean, good terrible, but still pretty terrible. Is that a category? CAN THAT BE A CATEGORY? For the truth is that I, Ashley E. Ambirge, have just spent a lot of money—like, to the tune of fifteen-hundred baloneys a lot of money—on something I absolutely just impulsed purchased…that’s going to seem ridiculous when I say it…but I’m going to say it anyway. I just spent fifteen-hundred dollars on… …a mirror. A fucking

Jan 9, 2020

13 Reasons Why That Crafty D-Bag is Making More Money Than You

“You got your freaking Christmas tree ONLINE?” My best friend from high school roared, slapping her leg. She is not an internet person, like me. Then again, I don’t suppose there are many people who buy so much as their groceries online, let alone entire houses, and this is the moment when I’m just going to place this emoji ?‍♀?‍♀?‍♀ riiiiiiiight here—because I am guilty of both. All three, in fact. The only thing I haven’t ordered online, yet, is

Jan 6, 2020

Psst—Here’s an Original, Thoughtful, Fun-Loving Holiday Script to Send Your Clients TODAY (So It Doesn’t Look Like You Forgot!)

So it’s the Friday before Christmas and you’ve PROBABLY JUST REALIZED THAT YOU ARE OUT OF TIME. I know, happens so quickly, doesn’t it? I’ve got a whole list of people that I intended to send presents to, but didn’t. Because I am an excellent planner. But at least my shriveled little heart was in the right place! If this is you…and if you’re like, oh booby tassel on a stick, I probably should have sent my clients ~something~, fear

Dec 20, 2019

A Hot Sales Tip, A Hot Marketing Tip, and a Hot Book Tip Walk Into a Bar

Well hello there! A few fun tidbits on this fabulous Tuesday: Today I’m in studio recording DAY TWO of THE MIDDLE FINGER PROJECT audiobook for Audible—and my god, is this a blast! I’m documenting it all on my Insta-stories, in case you want to come behind the scenes with me. ? There’s candy and drinks and take out and all sorts of hyper cool people walking around, wearing beanies and looking like they’ve just stepped off the cover of a

Dec 17, 2019

A Handy F*cking Checklist of Everything You Can Write Off as an Online Business Owner Before the End of the Year (LIKE UNPAID INVOICES, WHAT!)

So, first of all: last night was hilarious. If you didn’t see my Insta stories, go watch now before they’re gone. The short version: my favorite company on the planet, Bench, sent me a RIDICULOUSLY GIGANTIC FUN SURPRISE, and I filmed myself running out into the rain to get the box and open the whole damn thing, only to laugh and laugh and laugh once I opened it. I miiiiiight have dropped about 400 f-bombs while recording, though, so you

Dec 10, 2019

Author Keeps Time Log That Shows 182 Emotions of Writing a Book From Start to Finish

At least, that’s what I’d title this if I were writing about myself in the third person. You know, like if The New York Times were to feature this article. Or on The Onion! Except The Onion headline would be much funnier. More like: “Time Log of Plump Author Shows Exactly How She Got So Plump.” Which is not untrue. What follows is a literal and actual time log that I’ve been keeping since I signed with my literary agency

Nov 27, 2019

The Secret to Getting Yo’ Brilliant Ass Featured in a Major Magazine

Three to six months—BURN THAT INTO YOUR BRAIN. That’s how long it used to take a baby dinosaur egg to hatch (fun facts on a Wednesday), how long it takes to repair damage to your credit report, how long it’ll take until you see SEO results, the amount of money you need to save your ass in an emergency, and, most academically, how long the effect of Botox lasts—among other notable factoids, like the length of time it takes me

Nov 20, 2019

Disobedient Book of the Week: Don’t Keep Your Day Job, by Cathy Heller

Omg, do you guys love how I just totally pretended I was a book critic and made it seem like I review one book a week? Who needs The New York Times when you’ve got The Middle Finger Project? Neck to neck, y’all. Neck to NECK. Here’s why I’m two-stepping into your inbox on this fine Monday afternoon: I really, really like scrappy, resourceful motherfuckers like C. Money Heller (new nickname), author of the new book, Don’t Keep Your Day

Nov 11, 2019

Tag: Work