So it's the Friday before Christmas and you've PROBABLY JUST REALIZED THAT YOU ARE OUT OF TIME. I know, happens so quickly, doesn't it? I've got a whole list of people that I intended to send presents to, but didn't. Because I am an excellent planner. But at least my shriveled little heart was in the right place!
If this is you…and if you're like, oh booby tassel on a stick, I probably should have sent my clients ~something~, fear not: I've come up with a heartfelt, creative, fun and cute little script for you to steal TODAY, right now, that you can copy/paste send them over via email, or in an e-card, or in a real card (so long as you don't have the holiday cards that I have. My holiday cards literally say: “Coal? Fuck that. You get herpes. Love, Santa.”)
Okay, so ready? If you don't want to seem like a thoughtless donkey who just takes their money and NEVER THINKS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE—*wide grin*—open up your Gmail and send the following note to your clients real quick:
Please picture this [email / card] being accompanied by a gigantic tin of freshly-made cookies in the shape of [a small child wishing on a star not yet knowing that the real world is full of horrible people (kidding—everyone else is horrible but you and I) / Santa's butt cheeks / something phallic], but alas: you know me well enough to know that I ate all of the cookies already, and all that's left is [a bottle of gin / a fond memory of better times] and the warmest of well wishes.
Which is why I'm sending you this note! It's le holidays—in case you missed the tacky blow-up Santa on your neighbor's lawn—and I wanted to take a moment to thank you so, so much for your business this year. Working with you has been a true gift—and not the socks-in-your-stocking variety, but the big, giant, “I can't believe you got me this!” kind. Like if someone bought me a vacation to Fiji. FIJI, [client's name.]
Speaking of Fiji, our studio will be closing down those doors from [insert date] to [insert date] to observe the holiday (and also observe Aunt Martha's attempts at wrapping). Not exactly Fiji, but still warm in the whole hearthside-fireplace-family-tradition kind of way.? In the meantime, however, I do have a tiny gift of gratitude for you to put under your digital Christmas tree. Shhhhhhhhhhhh.
Below you will find a top secret code for 20% off any service you book for the New Year before Jan 31st—because you are awesome, and I hope this sparks a little joy in your inbox, and because turns out? I actually suck at making cookies.
SECRET CODE: [insert]
WHERE TO CLAIM YOUR PREZZIE: [link]
I appreciate you. I admire you. And I hope that your holiday is filled with laughter, warm hugs, and all sorts of shenanigans that you can't put on social media. (But please know you can always send them straight into my inbox—I appreciate your sick sense of humor.)
With the kind of funny face you make when someone hands you a nut tin,