ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Here’s an Opportunity – TAKE IT

In: Hate Your Job?

I've got a theory.

Don't tell anyone, because if they take it to heart, they might get even better at this business thing, and then what's going to happen is that one year from now, you'll somehow find yourself eating red velvet cupcakes at their book signing instead of your own, except you won't just be eating one cupcake, you'll be eating several, because that's what people do when they're feeling subpar, right? THEY BINGE EAT. I hear that a lot of people binge eat on cupcakes, which is why I just used it as an example, but me? I'm more of a mozzarella stick kind of girl. Got any of those? Because if not, I don't want anything to do with your book signing. Come to think of it, I'll just get my own.

Book signing, that is–not mozzarella stick. Though, the two would be lovely together. Hold me to that, will you?

Deep fried cheese aside, the most profound theory you're going to read in the next thirty seconds of your life is this:

People? They're LAZY.

That it's.

That's my profound theory.

Which isn't really a theory, since it's more a blanket statement, but a blanket statement can be a theory, can't it?

People are lazy. 

Every one runs around complaining they actually have to learn something these days.

People complain about having to learn, complain about having to try, complain about having to try again, complain about having to earn, complain about having to suffer, complain about having to work at it, and complain that it doesn't just come easily.

Which is funny, since this is not some sort of great disadvantage, because nothing comes easily to anyone, okay? That Michael Phelps character trained every single day for FIVE YEARS without taking a break. What have you or I done every single day for five years? (Vodka doesn't count.)

That's how highly-paid experts are made.

They get unlazy.

And they make progress.

And then one day, they know more than you.

That's how this learning thing works.

So guess what?

Now that you know that the rest of the world is lazy, there's one very important implication:

You barely have to do anything to get ahead. 

Did your laundry? Two points! Read a book? You're in the lead!

When the rest of the world is lazy, it means that you've got an opportunity to not be lazy.

You've got an opportunity to do something.

To stand out.

To make it happen.

And get your walrus on. (What, you didn't envision your business like a walrus? Well you should. It weighs 4,000 pounds. Now that's a heavy hitter.)

NOTHING IS UNTOUCHABLE.

(Except maybe those cupcakes. That shit is bad for you.)

Dec 1

2017

“I Want to Do Something Else…But What?” Welcome To The Fucking Question That Everyone Is Asking Themselves.

Dec 1, 2017

I have a dirty little hypothesis. It’s about the discontent. The unrest. This global epidemic that’s happening behind closed doors of women wanting something else. It’s why the LuLaRoe, the Advocare, the Younique. It’s why books like Eat, Pray, Love became bestsellers. It’s why we’re spending so much time on the Internet, too, and drinking […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Aug 6

2019

“I Don’t Know What I Want to Dooooo, And I’m Kinda Confused, and I’m Feeling Like a Flakey Little Fruitcake, Ash!”

Aug 6, 2019

WITTY BANTER. Biggest turn-on ever. (Because we’re just opening with that, okay?) Like, I don’t even care if you’re wearing coveralls and haven’t shaved in forty-nine years: if you’re witty, I’m going to want to jump your bones. Which I won’t do, ahem, given that I’m in a relationship and all, but this is a hypothetical […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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May 1

2013

Here’s an Opportunity – TAKE IT

May 1, 2013

I’ve got a theory. Don’t tell anyone, because if they take it to heart, they might get even better at this business thing, and then what’s going to happen is that one year from now, you’ll somehow find yourself eating red velvet cupcakes at their book signing instead of your own, except you won’t just be […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Nov 10

2017

Stop Waiting to “Be Ready.” Or “Have Your Ducks in a Row.” Or Until the Baby is Born, or the House is Built, or the Kids Are Older / More Independent / Less of a Pain in the Ass.

Nov 10, 2017

I hear people talk about job security all the time, as if this were a real thing. But people really seem to like the concept, you know? I mean, I can’t think of anything more comforting than 40 years of standing in an elevator every day with Lou from HR. <Wide, delirious eyes.> I’m not […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Jun 1

2017

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait for No One

Jun 1, 2017

Here’s a principle I vehemently disagree with: Good things come to those who wait. You know who probably came up with that stylish piece of wisdom? Someone in a position of power, tasked with managing the masses and getting them to obey orders. You can hear a teacher saying that, can’t you? Now, there, little […]

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Oct 24

2017

Don’t Sell Your Soul—Sell Your SKILLS.

Oct 24, 2017

Everybody knows how to do something, and that includes you. And guess what? That means you can teach someone else. And whatever you can teach someone, you can sell to someone. …And I say that without a shred of snake oil. Knowledge is what makes our world go ‘round. Now, more than ever, you can […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Oct 17

2018

We Need You to Give Yourself the Job

Oct 17, 2018

Today I will drive twenty six miles on backroads, through crisp autumn air, past dairy farms and old Citgo stations, and up a giant hill to my alma mater, Blue Ridge High School, here in rural Pennsylvania. I’m speaking to a group of seniors. Hijacking their last class of the day as I hoist myself […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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