ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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If I Were an Internet Douche, “5x Your Revenue” Would Be The Title of This Post, LOL.

In: Starting an Online Business

I just got back to Costtttaaaaa Ricaaaaaa! Because apparently I really like sweating like a donkey. Or it could be because The Tall Costa Rican is here, and we have some serious #couplegoals to accomplish. Like finally getting him to admit that I am a better driver. And that Worcestershire sauce in hamburger meat is disgusting. And that THE TEE SHIRTS DO NOT GET SLUNG OVER THE BACK OF THE DINING ROOM CHAIR. (Why do they do this? Why is this a thing? Like, I get it, you want to take your shirt off. And maybe you’ll want to put it back on in an hour when you go to run an errand. But could we find a less obnoxious place? I like my chair backs the way I like my sexual partners: CLEAN.)

But I digress. What I really wanted to say is that every time I get on a plane, I’m reminded of just how lucky I am to have so much damn personal freedom to do so. What a privilege it is, to be able to go. I didn’t have this trip planned— something came up that necessitated my presence—but all I had to do was hop on Expedia and buy a ticket and roll out the very next morning. And I take this so very much for granted. It is an incredible gift, being able to work remotely. But more than that, I am so grateful for online business, despite hating the term, because it allows any and all of us to *create*. The Internet does not prejudice you, or tell you you’re not qualified, or not call you back for the interview. You don’t have to find the elusive “work-from-home” job, because you can make your own. You don’t have to kiss anyone else’s ass to get in. All you have to do is start.

I love starting things. I love the Internet. I love online business. I love creating things with my two little fingers, typing on a keyboard.

IN FACT FRIENDS, it should come as no surprise that I’ve recently been: (a) Craving cottage cheese (mostly irrelevant) and; (b) Working on an all-new internet business I’m SLAYED about. By “internet business,” of course I mean: awesome website made for a very specific group of awesome people, propelled largely using a series of smart systems and email marketing and internet engineering, designed to solve a problem I’m excited to be solving, and leverage modern technology to do so in a way that solves those problems at scale. BECAUSE SCALE IS SO IMPORTANT. At least, to me it is. Do you know about scale? Not, like, Ariel the Mermaid’s scales, but more like Daddy Warbucks scale. (“Daddy Warbucks Scale” might have to be the name of an all-new program we do at some point, because I will die laughing.)

So, “scale” has always been, and always will be, a #1 priority for me in business. Essentially it’s about systems—and whether or not your business has them. Assume you suddenly got 300 new customers overnight. Would you be able to handle them—and earn the money that comes from them—orrrrr, would you be completely and totally fucked in a very death-by-success sort of fashion?

 

Regular Busted-Ass Business: as you get more clients and customers, your revenue grows, and the amount you invoice grows (yay!)—BUT, so do your costs, including hiring more staff, paying for more things, and most importantly, the amount of time required to run it, as you become miserable and cranky and overworked, unable to handle increasing demands, because you can only do so many things at once (boo!).

Superhero Scalable Business: as you get more clients and customers, your revenue grows—AND, your costs stay the same, including the amount of time required to run it (remaining very low)—which makes you approximately 984,710,481 times more profitable and also merry with glee as you skip around in a field with a picnic basket while your business runs without you and allows you to take all of your free time and reinvest it into other things you care about. Like sewing. Sewing is a great sport.

 

The Internet basically gives you superhero scalable powers, except most people don’t know it yet. Most people are burnt. The frog. Out. Which was not a typo, frogs are just as good as fricks and freaks and frigs. But, listen: if every sale you make requires the same amount of time and effort as the previous sale, your business doesn’t scale. And that means that you’re forever going to BE EXHAUSTED.

So I’m all about that scale game. I’m all about using the tools we have available to us to help us live better lives while contributing our talents in meaningful ways. Cue: the super secret project I’m working on behind the scenes: m’ all new internet business, scaled AF. And because I’m going through the entire process from start to finish, I started wondering: would you like to come along with me behind the scenes as I do it? Like, forget theory, let’s just do this step-by-step together in real-time. Would you dig that? Would that be helpful? To see an internet business built from the ground up to profitability? To vote yes, click here. Nothing will explode, and there will be no YouTube videos of “gurus” showing you their mansions and all of their fancy cars. I’ll just be able to get a head count for who wants in.

In the meantime, I’m going to be over here, sipping on my morning banana smoothie, waiting to hear back from my editor, working on that side hustle and trying to convince myself to go out for a walk. (“Go for a walk!” “No, it’s too humid!” “No, it’s not—it’s only 7am!” “But by the time you publish this and get dressed and leave it’ll be 8am!” “Who cares if it’s 8am?!” “8am is LATE!” “8AM IS NOT LATE, STOP EXAGGERATING.” “I’m not exaggerating, have you been to Costa Rica?!) (And you see, the struggle is real.)

LOVE YOU, HAPPY MONDAY!

Ash

May 14

2017

The Noodle Test: Is Your Business Idea Any Good?

May 14, 2017

When you’re weighing out your business ideas, do not cave to the pressure of having to do something new. You do not have to be the first—you just have to be the only. There’s a difference. If you think about it, there are plenty of restaurants using all the same ingredients. After all, there are only […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Oct 25

2012

An Ode to Baller Status.

Oct 25, 2012

Lather up. Choose the perfume-scented body lotion. Put every last hair into place. Rock your most exquisite piece of clothing. Wink at yourself in the mirror. Pull out the stops. Look fucking smashing. And then get to work. Because when you feel like a baller? YOU ACT LIKE ONE.

In: Starting an Online Business

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May 4

2012

How to Be Taken Seriously in Biz + Life. (Does Not Apply to Douchebags, The President, or Anyone With The Name Barbie.)

May 4, 2012

Ever jump in a pool fully clothed? You gotta try it. Borderline rebellious, without landing you a spot in jail, or any unplanned pregnancies. (Usually.) I’m pretty sure I’ve jumped into more pools clothed than the average human being, which must qualify me for something. Something other than the insane asylum. Or the WWF. My […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Aug 5

2017

“My Brand is Boring As Fuck. With a Capital F.”

Aug 5, 2017

Andddddd it’s a wrap! We took The Cotswolds by motherloving storm this past week, as I led a cozy, intimate business retreat with five killer women in the English countryside, complete with fireside chats, darling little pubs, open-air picnics, tons of peppermint tea, and, of course, trekking around in our wellies through refreshingly moist meadows […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Jun 5

2017

So You’ve Got a Great Idea But Have NO Idea Where to Start. (And It’s Making You Angsty and Farty and Paralyzed With Fear.)

Jun 5, 2017

“But we don’t know how.” We were seated at the edge of the bar, nibbling on appetizers and enjoying the sunset. They were two friends, friends with big ideas and big dreams and a bug right up their ass to do something more meaningful and creative with their careers—and their lives. (My favorite kind of […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Jun 2

2017

When It’s Hard for People to Pick, The First Thing They Do Is Ditch

Jun 2, 2017

HI, IT’S ME, AND IT’S FRIDAY, AND I’M VERY EXCITEDDDDD. First off, our brand new flagship fuck yeah website launches next week. (We’ve been working on this behind the scenes for an entire year!) JUNE!!!!!!!!! THE MONTH OF CHAMPIONNNSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S GOING TO BE HUGEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! (Please imagine me saying that like a forty-five year old balding […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Nov 20

2017

Not Sure What to Sell? Here’s a Shot of Inspiration.

Nov 20, 2017

Most people think they need an actual product to sell—but what if the experience was the product? One of my favorite websites on the planet is TabletHotels.com, who have vetted and hand-selected some of the world’s most gorgeous, well-designed hotel spaces. I always go there first, looking for accommodations, because: it’s a feast for the […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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