ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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If I Were an Internet Douche, “5x Your Revenue” Would Be The Title of This Post, LOL.

In: Starting an Online Business

I just got back to Costtttaaaaa Ricaaaaaa! Because apparently I really like sweating like a donkey. Or it could be because The Tall Costa Rican is here, and we have some serious #couplegoals to accomplish. Like finally getting him to admit that I am a better driver. And that Worcestershire sauce in hamburger meat is disgusting. And that THE TEE SHIRTS DO NOT GET SLUNG OVER THE BACK OF THE DINING ROOM CHAIR. (Why do they do this? Why is this a thing? Like, I get it, you want to take your shirt off. And maybe you’ll want to put it back on in an hour when you go to run an errand. But could we find a less obnoxious place? I like my chair backs the way I like my sexual partners: CLEAN.)

But I digress. What I really wanted to say is that every time I get on a plane, I’m reminded of just how lucky I am to have so much damn personal freedom to do so. What a privilege it is, to be able to go. I didn’t have this trip planned— something came up that necessitated my presence—but all I had to do was hop on Expedia and buy a ticket and roll out the very next morning. And I take this so very much for granted. It is an incredible gift, being able to work remotely. But more than that, I am so grateful for online business, despite hating the term, because it allows any and all of us to *create*. The Internet does not prejudice you, or tell you you’re not qualified, or not call you back for the interview. You don’t have to find the elusive “work-from-home” job, because you can make your own. You don’t have to kiss anyone else’s ass to get in. All you have to do is start.

I love starting things. I love the Internet. I love online business. I love creating things with my two little fingers, typing on a keyboard.

IN FACT FRIENDS, it should come as no surprise that I’ve recently been: (a) Craving cottage cheese (mostly irrelevant) and; (b) Working on an all-new internet business I’m SLAYED about. By “internet business,” of course I mean: awesome website made for a very specific group of awesome people, propelled largely using a series of smart systems and email marketing and internet engineering, designed to solve a problem I’m excited to be solving, and leverage modern technology to do so in a way that solves those problems at scale. BECAUSE SCALE IS SO IMPORTANT. At least, to me it is. Do you know about scale? Not, like, Ariel the Mermaid’s scales, but more like Daddy Warbucks scale. (“Daddy Warbucks Scale” might have to be the name of an all-new program we do at some point, because I will die laughing.)

So, “scale” has always been, and always will be, a #1 priority for me in business. Essentially it’s about systems—and whether or not your business has them. Assume you suddenly got 300 new customers overnight. Would you be able to handle them—and earn the money that comes from them—orrrrr, would you be completely and totally fucked in a very death-by-success sort of fashion?

 

Regular Busted-Ass Business: as you get more clients and customers, your revenue grows, and the amount you invoice grows (yay!)—BUT, so do your costs, including hiring more staff, paying for more things, and most importantly, the amount of time required to run it, as you become miserable and cranky and overworked, unable to handle increasing demands, because you can only do so many things at once (boo!).

Superhero Scalable Business: as you get more clients and customers, your revenue grows—AND, your costs stay the same, including the amount of time required to run it (remaining very low)—which makes you approximately 984,710,481 times more profitable and also merry with glee as you skip around in a field with a picnic basket while your business runs without you and allows you to take all of your free time and reinvest it into other things you care about. Like sewing. Sewing is a great sport.

 

The Internet basically gives you superhero scalable powers, except most people don’t know it yet. Most people are burnt. The frog. Out. Which was not a typo, frogs are just as good as fricks and freaks and frigs. But, listen: if every sale you make requires the same amount of time and effort as the previous sale, your business doesn’t scale. And that means that you’re forever going to BE EXHAUSTED.

So I’m all about that scale game. I’m all about using the tools we have available to us to help us live better lives while contributing our talents in meaningful ways. Cue: the super secret project I’m working on behind the scenes: m’ all new internet business, scaled AF. And because I’m going through the entire process from start to finish, I started wondering: would you like to come along with me behind the scenes as I do it? Like, forget theory, let’s just do this step-by-step together in real-time. Would you dig that? Would that be helpful? To see an internet business built from the ground up to profitability? To vote yes, click here. Nothing will explode, and there will be no YouTube videos of “gurus” showing you their mansions and all of their fancy cars. I’ll just be able to get a head count for who wants in.

In the meantime, I’m going to be over here, sipping on my morning banana smoothie, waiting to hear back from my editor, working on that side hustle and trying to convince myself to go out for a walk. (“Go for a walk!” “No, it’s too humid!” “No, it’s not—it’s only 7am!” “But by the time you publish this and get dressed and leave it’ll be 8am!” “Who cares if it’s 8am?!” “8am is LATE!” “8AM IS NOT LATE, STOP EXAGGERATING.” “I’m not exaggerating, have you been to Costa Rica?!) (And you see, the struggle is real.)

LOVE YOU, HAPPY MONDAY!

Ash

Jul 10

2014

What To Do When You Hire Them And…They Suck.

Jul 10, 2014

So you started a business and before you knew it you were regularly lip syncing to Gaga while kicking ass, taking orders, AND taking names—which, for the record, I hear is a mafia term. Isn’t that delightful? Suddenly, you found yourself with an extra $5 and immediately shouted to no one in particular, “I’m going to reinvest […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Feb 14

2014

Don’t Invent a Product Name. Engineer One.

Feb 14, 2014

It’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m boarding a plane to Nicaragua. Today’s tip should really be: Don’t board a plane before you having at least one successful hour being awake. It’s bad enough trying to successfully stumble to the bathroom in the middle of the night; try stumbling through a gigantic metal maze of […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Apr 5

2013

Reason #959 to Start a Business

Apr 5, 2013

Employment freaks me out. It’s hard to imagine putting all of your intellectual, emotional, and physical energy into a company – with nothing to show for it at the end of the day. Or, the end of your life. Maybe a savings, if you were disciplined enough, or a 401K, but aside from that, you’re […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Dec 19

2013

Are You a Dangerous Liability In Your Own Business?

Dec 19, 2013

How many books do you have in your Kindle library that you haven’t read yet? How many times have you said to yourself, “I should really learn how to write better copy,” or “I should really learn Photoshop,” or “I should really learn how to shower more regularly instead of rotting away in my yoga pants […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Aug 16

2017

Too Shy to Stand Up and Sing Your Own Praises? Start Here, You Humble Little Lovebug, You.

Aug 16, 2017

Someone tells you that you did a great job, and what’s the first thing coming out of your mouth? OH NO BIGGIE, BARB, IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY—NO WORRIES, LEAST I COULD DO! We’re quick to diminish our efforts because taking credit for all the things somehow feels self-important; braggy; boastful; full-of-herself. Do this enough times, […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Feb 18

2016

An Ode to the Internet’s Worst Business Advice

Feb 18, 2016

A person, going into business for themselves for the first time: How can I get found? The Internet: Start a newsletter! Person: What, like a weekly bulletin? The Internet: No, like a newsletter. Person: So, like, write a bunch of updates about me, me, and me? The Internet: Yeah! A newsletter! Person: Every week? The […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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May 30

2014

Is Your Package Big Enough?

May 30, 2014

Confess. You’re reading this because the title made you think of male genitalia. (…And now you’re thinking about how weird the word “genitalia” sounds.) I know, I know. I tried to avoid it, but really, I can’t. Because today’s tip is about packaging your service or product offerings, so why be modest? I’m not even […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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