ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

Learn More >>

UM, QUESTION: What are the Things You Hate, Actually *Giving* You…Homie?

In: Hate Your Job?

They say that a behavior stays alive because it serves you in some way. AKA, If you’re eating the entire fridge, it might be because you actually hate your work and you’re trying to escape it any way you can, because YOU ARE TIRED AND YOU NEED A BREAK BUT YOU’RE TOO MUCH OF A GOOD GIRL TO GIVE YOURSELF ONE.

*smooths skirt* 

I think about this often. Like, while I have Downton Abbey reruns playing in the background, and the neighbors are downstairs having a toga party, I’m over here pondering why we do the shit we do. Because we do a lot of distressing shit, don’t we?

We stay in jobs we don’t like.
We say yes to things we aren’t excited about.
We don’t always try as hard as we could.
We work with clients we actually sorta kinda…despise?
We procrastinate starting the new website.
We spend our days doing things that are entirely forgettable.
We lose our lives to obligation.

We fail to make the change.

The common explanation is that we’re scared—wah, wah, wah, WAH. That we really want to try, but we’re crippled with fear—even though life could be better.

My theory is this: in some small, twisted way, these fuck magnets are making our lives better. They are serving us in some way, even if it’s not obvious, and even if it hurts us in other ways. What do you get out of doing this thumb-sucking work every day? You get to relax, for now, because life is frigging hard and you need a reprieve. What do you get out of doing the mundane client work you are SO over? You get to not have to really apply yourself. What do you get from letting other people tell you how to live your life? You get to not be responsible if things turn out badly. What do you get from not really trying as hard as you could? You get to maintain illusions about your own performance, never really finding out if you royally suck.

Contrary to appearances, we aren’t scared: we’re self-serving. Everybody does everything for selfish reasons, even if those things don’t appear to be helping. We all know the person who falls into alcoholism as a way to cope with their anxiety: drinking takes a lot away from them, but it gives them something, too. It gives them peace, even as it wages war.

So what are the things that you hate, actually giving you?

And, more importantly, how can you get that from another source, instead?

Finding out how to get your needs met is not just some self-help mumbo jumbo: it’s one of the most important business decisions you can make.

Apr 28

2017

Make Something That Matters

Apr 28, 2017

Things aren’t always what they seem. An email list full of 100,000 people is meaningless if only 100 of those people open the emails. Similarly, an email list of 100 people, with 100 of those people opening them, does mean something. Who is more successful? And who is doing something that actually matters?

In: Hate Your Job?

READ ME >>

Feb 13

2019

How to Start an Online Business When You Are Not an “Internet Person”—And Are Seriously Doubting That You Can Do This

Feb 13, 2019

So, the other day one of my best college girlfriends reached out and was all, “Ashhhhhhhhhh! I need your helpppppp! I’m trying to start an online business but I have no idea what I’m doing and you’re obviously the first person that I thought of, muahahaha.” (She. Is. Adorable. She’s been hand-painting wooden signs and […]

In: Hate Your Job?

READ ME >>

Dec 1

2017

“I Want to Do Something Else…But What?” Welcome To The Fucking Question That Everyone Is Asking Themselves.

Dec 1, 2017

I have a dirty little hypothesis. It’s about the discontent. The unrest. This global epidemic that’s happening behind closed doors of women wanting something else. It’s why the LuLaRoe, the Advocare, the Younique. It’s why books like Eat, Pray, Love became bestsellers. It’s why we’re spending so much time on the Internet, too, and drinking […]

In: Hate Your Job?

READ ME >>

May 1

2013

Here’s an Opportunity – TAKE IT

May 1, 2013

I’ve got a theory. Don’t tell anyone, because if they take it to heart, they might get even better at this business thing, and then what’s going to happen is that one year from now, you’ll somehow find yourself eating red velvet cupcakes at their book signing instead of your own, except you won’t just be […]

In: Hate Your Job?

READ ME >>

Jun 1

2017

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait for No One

Jun 1, 2017

Here’s a principle I vehemently disagree with: Good things come to those who wait. You know who probably came up with that stylish piece of wisdom? Someone in a position of power, tasked with managing the masses and getting them to obey orders. You can hear a teacher saying that, can’t you? Now, there, little […]

In: Hate Your Job?

READ ME >>

Nov 10

2017

Stop Waiting to “Be Ready.” Or “Have Your Ducks in a Row.” Or Until the Baby is Born, or the House is Built, or the Kids Are Older / More Independent / Less of a Pain in the Ass.

Nov 10, 2017

I hear people talk about job security all the time, as if this were a real thing. But people really seem to like the concept, you know? I mean, I can’t think of anything more comforting than 40 years of standing in an elevator every day with Lou from HR. <Wide, delirious eyes.> I’m not […]

In: Hate Your Job?

READ ME >>

I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

Privacy Policy Info Here