ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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UM, QUESTION: What are the Things You Hate, Actually *Giving* You…Homie?

In: Hate Your Job?

They say that a behavior stays alive because it serves you in some way. AKA, If you’re eating the entire fridge, it might be because you actually hate your work and you’re trying to escape it any way you can, because YOU ARE TIRED AND YOU NEED A BREAK BUT YOU’RE TOO MUCH OF A GOOD GIRL TO GIVE YOURSELF ONE.

*smooths skirt* 

I think about this often. Like, while I have Downton Abbey reruns playing in the background, and the neighbors are downstairs having a toga party, I’m over here pondering why we do the shit we do. Because we do a lot of distressing shit, don’t we?

We stay in jobs we don’t like.
We say yes to things we aren’t excited about.
We don’t always try as hard as we could.
We work with clients we actually sorta kinda…despise?
We procrastinate starting the new website.
We spend our days doing things that are entirely forgettable.
We lose our lives to obligation.

We fail to make the change.

The common explanation is that we’re scared—wah, wah, wah, WAH. That we really want to try, but we’re crippled with fear—even though life could be better.

My theory is this: in some small, twisted way, these fuck magnets are making our lives better. They are serving us in some way, even if it’s not obvious, and even if it hurts us in other ways. What do you get out of doing this thumb-sucking work every day? You get to relax, for now, because life is frigging hard and you need a reprieve. What do you get out of doing the mundane client work you are SO over? You get to not have to really apply yourself. What do you get from letting other people tell you how to live your life? You get to not be responsible if things turn out badly. What do you get from not really trying as hard as you could? You get to maintain illusions about your own performance, never really finding out if you royally suck.

Contrary to appearances, we aren’t scared: we’re self-serving. Everybody does everything for selfish reasons, even if those things don’t appear to be helping. We all know the person who falls into alcoholism as a way to cope with their anxiety: drinking takes a lot away from them, but it gives them something, too. It gives them peace, even as it wages war.

So what are the things that you hate, actually giving you?

And, more importantly, how can you get that from another source, instead?

Finding out how to get your needs met is not just some self-help mumbo jumbo: it’s one of the most important business decisions you can make.

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I have a dirty little hypothesis. It’s about the discontent. The unrest. This global epidemic that’s happening behind closed doors of women wanting something else. It’s why the LuLaRoe, the Advocare, the Younique. It’s why books like Eat, Pray, Love became bestsellers. It’s why we’re spending so much time on the Internet, too, and drinking […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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2017

I Became an Entrepreneur Because My Life Stopped Being Fun

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I’m in the airport, on my way to London. London is officially my favorite city in the world because it’s the one place where I don’t feel like an overdressed moron. (Try going anywhere in Costa Rica with even so much as kitten heels and YOU WILL LOOK RIDICULOUS.) I’ll be there all summer, excited […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Jul 8

2017

You Find Peace With Your Work Through Tension

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It’s never as scary as it seems. Everything you’re worried about happening? Won’t. It might seem intimidating, the world—putting yourself out there, taking the chance, trying something new, going all in, showing up, asking for help, connecting with strangers, and, ultimately, gambling your ego and everything you know to be true. There will be a […]

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Starting a Business Isn’t for Weak People, Shitty People, Irresponsible People, Undisciplined People, Stupid People, Forgetful People, Lazy People, Irrational People, Impatient People, or People Who Blame Everything on Obama.

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Nearly ten years ago when I started my first copywriting business, I struggled with the things most new business owners struggle with: Telling a client your fees while silently thinking shitshitshitshitshitshitshit! Having no idea if your fees are too high or too low or WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO BE CHARGING?! Constantly worried […]

In: Hate Your Job?

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Apr 28

2017

Make Something That Matters

Apr 28, 2017

Things aren’t always what they seem. An email list full of 100,000 people is meaningless if only 100 of those people open the emails. Similarly, an email list of 100 people, with 100 of those people opening them, does mean something. Who is more successful? And who is doing something that actually matters?

In: Hate Your Job?

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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