This past weekend, my best friend since the second grade who is probably the best friend you could ask for and aren’t you jealous? sent me a picture from a restaurant in Pittsburgh, where she was visiting, with a note that said, “Thought you would love this!”

And wasn’t she right.

I did love it.

Because most businesses would be afraid to declare something so potentially off-putting.

But smart businesses, on the other hand, don’t avoid being off-putting—THEY STRIVE FOR IT.

Because for every one person who said, “Ugh, not my kind of place,” there were 5 other people who thought, “Now, this is my kind of place.”

And the only way both parties could tell?

Is because the business wasn’t afraid to tell them. 

I’m pretty sure one of the things on my Top 10 List of Life’s Secret Weapons That Everyone Should Know About Because They Help You Get Ahead Faster Than Everyone Else on the Planet is this:

Learning how to make an unforgettable,
cannot-be-ignored kind of STATEMENT.

This is likely why I favor obnoxious bauble necklaces and blog headers that take up the entire screen. Not like I know anybody who would do anything like that.

But, naturally, it goes back to my favorite proven academic theory: Go big, or go the hell home.

Which is why I was so delighted when I received an email from a woman named Jessica, with a link to this:

Bam. Huge statement.

She didn’t just write an email. She didn’t just “inquire.” She didn’t just do what 99% of the population would have done.

Rather, Jessica, here, made herself impossible to ignore.

And this is exactly what I’m talking about.

Instead of doing the acceptable, do the exceptional.

Instead of doing the expected, do the unexpected.

Instead of doing the standard, do the outstanding.

And, you know, every other antonym. 

Because guess what?

The world doesn’t need to prove itself to you.

You need to prove yourself to it.

Over and over and over again.

Until the world finally glances over at you, nods, and quietly says, “You’re in.”

There are a few things we need to get straight.

Shall I make a list? Because lists seem to be in. And lists also mean I don’t have to figure out creative ways to transition paragraphs and actually think COHESIVELY. Because who does that shit on Fridays? Not me. Thinking cohesively, I’m pretty sure, is only reserved for Tuesdays. The rest of the week is some amalgamation (I actually spelled that right on the first try – na na na na na) of scattered thoughts, spurts of inspiration and at least fourteen servings of cheese. Pepper jack. Don’t mess with the me when I’ve got a knife and a block of cheese in my hand. MOMMA BEAR AIN’T MESSING.

Anyway. Those items we need to get straight. They’re about what it’s like to actually run a business. And actually make it work. And, you know, actually be a human being all at the same time. 

Because I’m pretty sure you’re beating yourself up for stuff that you shouldn’t be. Because you just don’t know that you’re not the only one. And you probably don’t have as much pepper jack as you should–let’s be honest. And so I present you with:

THE OFFICIAL SHORT LIST OF SHIT YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT, EVER:

1. Chipped toe nail polish.
   This is obviously number one on the list because my white toenail polish, which was once quite chic looking, has been chipped for two god forsaken weeks straight. And even I was feeling like this was, quite clearly, the end of the world. What does this say about me?! Am I letting myself go?! Why can’t I just DO IT ALL LIKE SUPER WOMAN ALL THE TIME? But guess what?–my toenails may be chipped, but my intentions? Are certainly not. I’m making some BIG things happen. And if making big things happen requires chipped toenails? Then SO BE IT. Amen, pass the cocktail sauce.  
2. Being a total fucking basketcase.
   Do you know how stressful it can be to have all your livelihood, your future, your financial well-being, your reputation, your happiness, and, you know, YOUR NAME on the line every single moment of every single day? I’ll tell you the answer: It’s incredibly stressful. So stressful you might start biting your finger nails uncontrollably (not like anyone I know has ever done that), snapping at anyone who even so much as texts you (what! the! fuck! you want to hang out with me? can’t you see how BUSY I am?), and waking up in the middle of the night like a total psycho, unable to sleep and tortured by your never-ending to-do list. IT HAPPENS. And it’s going to happen a lot. So you’ve got two choices: Accept the fact that sometimes, you’re just going to get all basketcase-ey, or beat yourself up for getting basketcase-ey. But here’s a hint: The former is going to make you less basketcase-ey in the long run. And we like long runs. Even when there’s sweating involved. 
3. Just not being able to do it.
   Sometimes, you’re just going to suuuuccckkkkkk. You’re going to be overwhelmed. You’re going to be overworked. And you’re going to be overstretched. And as nice as that opportunity that just landed on your desk is–MAYBE EVEN THE ONE YOU’D BEEN DREAMING ABOUT–sometimes, you’re just not going to have to decline. Sometimes, you’re just not going to be ABLE TO. Because the great opportunities you currently have on your plate, require that you sacrifice other great opportunities. But sometimes, that’s okay. They’ll be back–and just when the time is right. Of this I am convinced.
4. Eating the fucking dinner roll.
   This is metaphorical for CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK. In my case, I’m famous for nit-picking on myself for the smallest of things. Like…eating the dinner roll when I should probably just, ahem, push it aside and gnaw on a brussel sprout. But you know what? So what if I ate the dinner roll? I also drank two liters of water, took a bike ride, poured my heart into my work, laughed with an old friend, and did an amazing fucking job at life. I WIN.
5. Totally screwing it up. 
   Because you know what? This is all a work-in-progress. This life. This business. This day. THIS MOMENT. And even you. It’s all a work-in-progress. And works-in-progress are not perfect. They’re messy. They’re slipshod. They’re chaotic. Disheveled. And imperfect. Imagine walking into the construction site of, say, what’s projected to be the future world’s tallest, most beautiful skyscraper. And you immediately just start yelling at the top of your lungs, “WHAT IS THIS SHIT? WHY AREN’T THE MARBLE FLOORS IN YET? WHAT ARE THESE THINGS ON THE FLOOR?!?! NAILS?!” No. You wouldn’t do that. Because you’d know it’s a work-in-progress. And it’s on its way. But right now, today, it might not be there yet. But that’s okay. Because soon, it’s going to be the world’s tallest, most beautiful skyscraper. And everything’s going to work out. But you’ve got to have some patience in the building stages, because ’round these parts, there are no magic genies. And it’s all a work in progress. And this is all just a very obvious metaphor for the fact that you are the future skyscraper. And it’s going to be messy for a while. And you’re going to leave nails on the floor. And IT’S OKAY. Because don’t forget–most of the rest of the world isn’t building anything.

In closing, stop beating yourself up, because those bruises on your heart aren’t very flattering.

And the next time you find yourself getting frustrated, irate, unreasonable, idiotic, steamed, ticked off, and/or otherwise angry at yourself for not doing everything perfect all the fucking time, you should:

a) Read this post.

b) Smell some flowers or something.

c) And watch this video. Because if this video doesn’t make you realize how human we all are? You are officially a robot and I’m convinced you’re the love child of Johnny Five, and if you don’t know who Johnny Five is, you should probably just stop reading this blog because I’m not even sure what I could ever say to make up for THAT.

THE END.

*This post inspired entirely by a conversation with Meg Worden, who I love, who keeps me sane.

-

It’s never just about the money coming in; you have to consider the money going out. 

When you take on a job, sure, you might earn $5,000.

But what’s the cost of earning it? 

If you have to forfeit 3 other projects (and your favorite Wednesday night TV show) for a combined total revenue of $15,000, you’re not making money. You’re losing it.

As an example, when our team embarks on a copywriting project, oftentimes we get asked for consulting advice, too–from how a program should be structured, to what a service should include, to what price points should be…and more.

Unfortunately, we can’t offer that type of advice for liability purposes; we’d need a separate contract for that. (Take note, business owners who are operating without contracts or half-assed ones – if this is a concern for you, I think you’re going to really love a new project I’m working on for you in conjunction with my lawyer, set to release in early June, and primed to cover your ass–more on that hot tamale soon.)

However, let’s say legalities weren’t an issue, and we decided to offer some type of $500 consulting add-on–which, again, we could do if we wanted to put it in the contract.

Sounds like a great upsell, right?

Wrong, and here’s why.

Because consulting takes time, and it takes energy, and it takes a lot of it. It isn’t something you can just throw out there off the top of your head–you’ve got to be strategic. You’ve got to investigate. You’ve got to dig deep. You’ve got to form an educated opinion, based on a client’s specific circumstances. In short, you’ve got to do a good fucking job.

And while that’s all good and well, if I have to dedicate the rest of the working day to doing that, then I can’t use it to do other things. Things like: Writing a book proposal, marketing our company, creating life-changing workshops and retreats, building useful resources, and more. In other words–all of the other high leverage activities that are much more useful to a whole group of people, instead of just one person, and are also more profitable, too. (My favorite win win.)

So when you frame it like that–which makes better business sense?

Allowing for a $500 consulting add on, maybe selling 4/month for a total of $2,000…because you feel obligated to.

…Or giving yourself the bandwidth to make an extra $100,000 this year through smart, higher leverage efforts?

Because if you could have made $100K doing something else, then offering your consulting add-on for $2,000/month or $24,000/year in revenue minus expenses (like employee salaries), then at best you’ve just lost $75,000.

At worst (and more realistically), you’ve lost more than that.

My point?

It isn’t that you don’t want to help people. It isn’t that their money isn’t perfectly good money.

It’s simply that you need to pick and choose your business battles.

And pick and choose your business strategies.

Put on your cost-benefit analysis thinking cap.

Be smart.

And while you’re at it?

Don’t run around having unprotected sex business, for goodness sake.

It’s poor form, and then I’m going to have to come visit you in the slammer, and then you’re going to be all mad I didn’t bring cookies, and then I’m going to be all, “But I don’t bake cookies,” and then you’re going to grimace and fling a spoonful of porridge at me.

And then I’m going to be pissed.

I’ve got a theory.

Don’t tell anyone, because if they take it to heart, they might get even better at this business thing, and then what’s going to happen is that one year from now, you’ll somehow find yourself eating red velvet cupcakes at their book signing instead of your own, except you won’t just be eating one cupcake, you’ll be eating several, because that’s what people do when they’re feeling subpar, right? THEY BINGE EAT. I hear that a lot of people binge eat on cupcakes, which is why I just used it as an example, but me? I’m more of a mozzarella stick kind of girl. Got any of those? Because if not, I don’t want anything to do with your book signing. Come to think of it, I’ll just get my own.

Book signing, that is–not mozzarella stick. Though, the two would be lovely together. Hold me to that, will you?

Deep fried cheese aside, the most profound theory you’re going to read in the next thirty seconds of your life is this:

People? They’re LAZY.

That it’s.

That’s my profound theory.

Which isn’t really a theory, since it’s more a blanket statement, but a blanket statement can be a theory, can’t it?

People are lazy. 

Every one runs around complaining they actually have to learn something these days.

People complain about having to learn, complain about having to try, complain about having to try again, complain about having to earn, complain about having to suffer, complain about having to work at it, and complain that it doesn’t just come easily.

Which is funny, since this is not some sort of great disadvantage, because nothing comes easily to anyone, okay? That Michael Phelps character trained every single day for FIVE YEARS without taking a break. What have you or I done every single day for five years? (Vodka doesn’t count.)

That’s how highly-paid experts are made.

They get unlazy.

And they make progress.

And then one day, they know more than you.

That’s how this learning thing works.

So guess what?

Now that you know that the rest of the world is lazy, there’s one very important implication:

You barely have to do anything to get ahead. 

Did your laundry? Two points! Read a book? You’re in the lead!

When the rest of the world is lazy, it means that you’ve got an opportunity to not be lazy.

You’ve got an opportunity to do something.

To stand out.

To make it happen.

And get your walrus on. (What, you didn’t envison your business like a walrus? Well you should. It weighs 4,000 pounds. Now that’s a heavy hitter.)

NOTHING IS UNTOUCHABLE.

(Except maybe those cupcakes. That shit is bad for you.)